The Nationwide Punter Menace Tredges On

Remember Mitch Cozad? He's the Northern Colorado backup punter who, last September, allegedly stabbed the starting punter to take his starting spot. It was more proof, once again, that you can never, ever trust a goddamned punter.

Anyway, Cozad is now about to go on trial for first-degree attempted murder, and he's claiming detectives tried to force him to confess.

"The first time, he said, 'You little (expletive). You better start telling me the truth, or you're going to jail for a very long time,"' Cozad said. Cozad said the next two times the recorder was paused he or his mother, who was also in the office, were berated. Cozad finally said, "I'm done," at which point he was taken into custody.

Ordinarily, we would decry the obvious police bias against punters, but we just can't bring ourselves to do it: They're punters, and they deserve whatever they get. Punters are a nationwide menace here to steal our souls and eat our children, and we must take them down one at a time. You're next, Feagles.

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