The Only Logical Choice For ESPN Soccer Analyst

If you're like us, you've been repeatedly jabbing objects both sharp and blunt into your ears while listening to the ESPN soccer announcers, particularly the "lead" team of Dave O'Brien and Marcelo Balboa, whose extensive yammering and criminal butchering of the English language — respectively — have sent us clamoring for Univision.

And we're hardly alone. No less than The New Republic, in their consistently excellent Goal Post World Cup blog, have taken up the cause. They've blasted Balboa for making up words, started a contest for the best Balboa-isms and ripped O'Brien for sounding so proud that he knows little about soccer.

Thus "spruck" a movement. TNR editor-in-chief Franklin Foer has called for Balboa to be replaced by none other than our own David Hirshey, citing his status as "the Rebbe of American soccer, its greatest patron." Hirshey even seems to accept the invitation for readers to call ESPN's customer service number (860-766-2236) and complain/offer submissions.

860-766-2236. Hmm. We might have some use for that number, actually.

Goal Post [TNR] David Hirshey Is The Closer [Deadspin]