The Padres Very Much Value Your Patronage

You know those annoying updates you get from MLB.com all the time, which pretty much come without mercy anytime you buy a ticket online, like, ever. (We're still getting Phillies emails once a week because we went to a game there three years ago.) We always assumed those emails were sent out by programmed autobots, set to send them out on a regularly dictated schedule. These are called "Spambots," or, to use another term, "Interns."

Anyway, it turns out that there really are people behind those emails ... and they really want you to buy tickets. A Padres partial season ticket holder fan received an email from the team, reminding him that he needed to put his payment for postseason seats. The fan wrote back, saying, "Please take me off the email list. Padres aren't making the post season because John won't spend the money (ball)."

And, to his amazement, he heard back, from an "account service representative":

Keep the faith! This crazy division is up for grabs. You may not subscribe to building through the draft and player development, but developing an organizational 'bible' for drafting, teaching, and developing young talent worked for the Dodgers during the O'Malley era, for the Orioles from the sixties into the eighties, and the Oakland A's have been very close to advancing to the World Series. We have only just begun implementing Sandy's strategy and believe in him wholeheartedly. We're sure we'll field Padres teams that will excite you for years to come.

See, now THAT'S an employee! It's one ticketholder at a time in San Diego. Though part of us still wants to believe that the response is actually an intricately designed robot program, and further responses would include "our [AGING CATCHER] has one last run in him, and have faith in our [SON OF FORMER BALLPLAYER WHO IS ALWAYS BEING PUSHED DOWN STAIRS]. GO [HOME TEAM HERE]!"