The People's NBA Closer

The NBA Closer is written by our own Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores, he can be heard on The Basketball Jo— BY PAULIEWALLYJOYNER AT 9:15 AM @ J.E. Skeets: Your NBA Closers suck. They're worse than the redesign! @ Everyone Else: Why don't we band together and just write this post ourselves? Seriously. Deadspin Commentariat Closer >>> Skeets Closer. ¡Viva la Revoclosurion! Affirmed.

• Something Smells Fishy. BY YESX11 AT 12:03 PM EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. (AP) — On the best scoring night of his eight-year NBA career, John Salmons' best move came when he swam up stream and spawned. With New Jersey's eelgrass and seaweeds collapsing on him in the closing seconds Tuesday night, Salmons swam the lane and kicked the ball out to teammate Francisco Garcia, who sank a 3-pointer with 15 seconds left that helped Sacramento beat the commercial fishing Nets 106-101.

Fixed.

<< semi-threadjack >> Sean Williams had eight blocked shots, tying a team rookie record set in 1981 by Mike Gminski. ( Gminski's beard forever!!!!) << /semi-threadjack >>

• 4 Easy Steps. BY YOU'REWITHMEFEATHERFROMFORRESTGUMP AT 12:03 AM Step 1: Play professional basketball against the Chicago Bulls. Step 2: Get 18 points from Kobe and 19 points from Sasha Vujacic. Step 3: ...... Step 4: Profit!

• NBA Up! All Night. BY BLOODSUCKINGLEITCHS AT 12:48 AM Anyone watching this Raps-Clips game right now? Toronto is shooting just 37.5 percent from the fucking floor, yet is somehow going to win this shitfest. Probably by three. This game is worse than that one time I was raped by girl guides dressed as pirates. Long story. @ Smoke_A_Forty_Yo: I've never tried crème brulee. Good? @ Chris Bosh: RUN TO 24 POINTS, YOU STUPID FUCKING DINOSAUR! RUN!!! @ Yes X Eleven: +1, commenter name

/dick joke /shits pants