The Perils Of Being An Athlete

It's hard out there for an athlete; they face all sorts of dangers that the rest of us mere mortals don't need to fret about it. This is probably why they're all packing heat.

CBS Sportsline's Clay Travis — who's a little beacon of light in the rad! and dope! world of SPIN over there — chronicles some of the major perils facing athletes in their day to day lives. A couple of our favorites:

• Tasers. Honestly, you're nobody if you haven't been tasered yet.

• Women who will retain your semen after you sleep with them. To quote: "A professional athlete who will remain nameless once told me he caught a woman trying to get his sperm out of a used condom and put it inside her." Yowza.

• Stephen Jackson. You're never, ever safe.

Guns Don't Screw Up Athletes — Athletes Screw Up Athletes [CBS Sportsline] If They Had To, Most Athletes Could Shoot You Where You Stand [Deadspin]