The Royals' Alphabet Madness

As one of the few people left on the planet who actually brings a scorebook to baseball games — it's actually leather-bound; it is, without a doubt, our most prized possession — we sympathize greatly with the citizens of Kansas City today.

The Royals (a franchise we always find ourselves rooting for, in spite of Don Denkinger and 1985) today announced that they have signed both to contracts for next season. This not only means the seamstress tab is going to run half the Royals' budget next season, it also means that you can expect a mass exodus from the Kansas City Star's copy editing department any day now, probably after the holidays.

If nothing else, though, the Royals will lead the American League in vowels and "Z"s next year. Of course, they always lead the league in "Z"s. (That's a sleeping pun, you see. Hey, it's Friday; they're not all gold, baby.)

Mientkiewicz, Grudzielanek, Elarton Signing With Royals [KC Star]