The Tragic Muzzling Of Chad Johnson

Well, it's the week before the Cincinnati Bengals' first playoff game in 15 years, and they're hosting it, against the hated division rival Pittsburgh Steelers. Man, oh, man, wide receiver Chad Johnson must be going crazy, right? What's he gonna do? Score a touchdown and smelt some ore? Strap on Bootsy Collins glasses? Sacrifice an animal and pull its pelt over his shoulder pads? What is it? Come on, Chad! Tell us!

"Thanks to higher authority, I can't open my mouth, period, all week," Johnson said.

Wha-wha-whaaa? Man. Cincinnati is the least fun place in the world. Come on! We know the Bengals have lost a couple in a row, but this, friends, this is no way to build momentum going into the playoffs. What's the right way, you ask? Well, Clinton Portis should be doing his press conference in a couple of hours ... that should give you a clue.

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