These pretzels are headed for your face if you anger Matt Stafford’s wife

Don’t make Kelly Stafford angry. If you do then you might find a salted, carb-loaded treat coming your way. A person who attended Monday night’s Los Angeles Rams-San Francisco 49ers matchup at Levi Stadium told TMZ that Rams quarterback Matthew Stafford’s wife threw a soft pretzel at a fan. The witness said that her group was being heckled, leading Stafford to hurl the pretzel at the fan behind her. An altercation ensued, and security moved her group to a different location in the stadium.

(To be serious for just a few seconds, doesn’t this act violate those fan codes of conduct the PA announcer reads through prior to the presentation of the starting lineups and warrant an ejection? Now back to where I left off.)

Stafford was called out on social media by a fan who saw what happened. Here is my favorite part from a two-paragraph Instagram scolding by this deeply loyal Rams’ fan who was in Santa Clara, Calif., on a Monday night — not struck by the pretzel, but still deeply offended by this throw instead of some ill-placed throws from a different Stafford.

“I am a Rams fan and am embarrassed by your actions and that is why I’m sharing with other [sic]. Hopefully, you will be more aware of what you are doing in the future and set a better example for your children.”

Now that is how you rebuke a millionaire who has done nothing to you and has no idea who you are. Kelly Stafford, being the woman of the people that she is, replied with a very sincere apology for her weak moment.

This is not Stafford’s first viral silly moment. During the pre-vaccine days of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020, and shortly after the FBI arrested a group plotting to kidnap Michigan governor Gretchen Whitmer, Stafford went on a rant in an Instagram story about how, because of the state’s COVID restrictions, she’s “over living in a dictatorship that we call Michigan.”

That was a tone-deaf and foolish post because of the true threat to democracy in her state that was fortunately thwarted during a pandemic killing people all over the world. What she did at Levi Stadium was immature and inappropriate, but also hilarious.

How could that person, a supposed Rams fan, do anything but laugh hysterically at Matt Stafford’s wife throwing a soft pretzel at a heckler? The Rams are being kicked in the stomach repetitively by the 49ers, and by the end of the first half, it was fairly clear which team was going to win. Then there is a moment when someone presumably starts yelling at Kelly Stafford about her husband’s turnovers and she gets sick of it, so she throws a giant soft pretzel, salt chunks and all, at this heckler. There has not been a funnier pretzel attack since free pretzel day at Springfield War Memorial stadium in 1997.

Kids, don’t take this as me encouraging pretzel throwing. There must be order and decorum at games. We can’t have carbohydrates, sodium, beer cheese, and Bavarian mustard flying all over the stadium. That would be chaos, so people, please refrain from throwing your overpriced pretzels at anyone or at anything at sporting events. BUT, if in the future, one lowly pretzel in a 68,000 seat stadium gets thrown at an annoying fan, somebody please record it.