Things That PETA Is Better Off Not Knowing About, No. 112

If you're like us, you frequently ask yourselves, "where can I find top, reliable donkeys for my donkey sporting event?" Fortunately we found Donkey Sports, Inc., and our troubles are over. For the finest in Donkey Softball and Donkey Basketball events, we highly recommend this company.

But you may well ask: "In this time of great geopolitical unrest, donkey sporting events are just the thing to lift our spirits. But I'm still skeptical; will the donkeys have reliable transportation?" Yes. According to the Web site, Donkey Sports.com guarantees "dependable, self-contained transportation for all donkeys."

The company will also provide::

• Referee and game ball. • Clean, well-cared for donkeys. • Valid livestock health certificates. • Easy to understand game organization information. • Shoes that will not mark any floor. • IMMEDIATE euthanasia to avoid any potential Barbaro situation.

That last one may have been ours. Sorry.

Donkey Basketball [Donkey Sports Inc.]