This Is Too Many Stuffed Toys

I liked stuffed toys. I had a bunch when I was little and despite being 35, I still have Doggy—a stuffed toy that is older than I am, and which is missing its nose and one eye, and also may actually be a rabbit. I had to learn to sew to re-attach Doggy’s head recently.

I share this to say that, normally, I would be okay with anything involving a large amount of stuffed toys. But the Hershey Bears’ “teddy bear toss” promotion—a common minor-league hockey stunt and charity fundraiser—last night was just too much.

This is too many teddy bears. Too many stuffed animals. I’m sorry, but this disturbs me from every angle, although I do enjoy announcer Zack Fisch’s call of this play in the video above.

What is it about this many stuffed toys that bothers me? I can’t quite put my finger on it but I know that I feel it. But, man. So many bears.

As it turns out, it was a world record amount. Hershey Bears fans threw 37,798 stuffed toys onto the ice, topping the 28,815 thrown by Calgary Hitmen fans in 2015. They broke the record by nearly 9,000 stuffed animals. While I cannot say precisely what number is “too many” stuffed toys, but let’s say “more than 30,000.”

Fortunately, my revulsion to this number of teddy bears means not one whit. The stuffed toys will be donated to more than 30 local charities in Pennsylvania.