To Watch Tonight

What to watch as you teach a raccoon to wash your dishes ... • College football: Akron at Miami (Ohio). Yager shall be rockin'. [ ESPN2] • College basketball: North Carolina at Davidson. Playing the Wildcats in Bobcats Arena is no laughing matter. [ ESPN] • NBA: Los Angeles Lakers at Houston. Yao smash puny men. [ ESPN] • Sports Unfiltered with Dennis Miller. More entertaining than Charo dancing the hoochie-cooch near a gift basket of ... ah screw it, I quit show business. [ Versus]