Trae Young is The Noid

I’m glad “The Noid” has made a return to TV commercials. It’s important that we remember he’s actually the hero in the struggle against people eating Domino’s. He’s just trying to protect us. Sadly, he’s not very good at protecting us, but maybe one day.

Trae Young, who scored 48 in the Hawk’s 116-113 win over the Bucks in Game 1 of the Easteren Conference finals, is what Domino’s ad agency wants us to believe The Noid is. I can’t fathom what it must be like for fans of the Knicks, and then the Sixers, and now the Bucks have had to deal with watching this guy. The Bucks did most everything right, with their customary Budenholzer ham-fistedness thrown in. They even got 33 points and 10 assists from Jrue Holiday, which would seem like a game you couldn’t lose. Sure, it might have helped if Khris Middleton’s accuracy was anywhere above a toddler’s with a firehose, but the building was rocking and the Bucks were finding offense.

It’s one thing to watch a guy just get hot and bury everything. It sucks, it’s infuriating, and it feels like death by a thousand cuts, but it’s something we’ve all been through. But Trae. With the smirks, and the winks, and the complaining, and the feinting, and the fouls, and that hair, and with every bucket only driving your blood pressure and bile through the top of your head. Somewhere in the fourth quarter you know your fate, though you won’t say it out loud. He’s going to make that shot, he’s going to get that call. You fake outrage, but you knew this was happening, and then you get more upset that you even tried to fake yourself out of it.

It’s probably going to be a long series, as Young will have one more game like the Game 7 he had against the Sixers, and/or Middleton will actually be able to remember which direction he’s pointed in. Which only makes it worse for Bucks fans. They know what’s coming with Young, and they know now they’ll have to watch it five or six more times. He’s going to make that shot, he’s going to get that call, he’s going to get to the line, and he’s going to do it in the most annoying way possible. There’s no getting out of it.

He’s going to ruin your pizza.

Generally, I cheer against Germany in international tournaments. It’s not a very beneficial way to live, because, y’know… Germany. And the moments yesterday afternoon where they looked like they were going out of Euro 2020 altogether stirred some giddiness out of long held reflexes. But then Leon Goretzka didn’t just score, and didn’t just score in front of the traveling Hungarian fans, but did this:

The thought of the grotesque black-shirted right-wing Hungarian fans getting to continue on was a bit much for anyone and Goretzka put an end to that. Then he stabbed at their anti-LGBTQ+ leanings with the heart gesture as he sent them home for good, showing everyone what’s important as well as the game. It’s symbolic, and hopefully predictive of the future, as distant as it might seem. It’s another uplifting image that the tourney has provided us, after Denmark’s resurgence and advancement. We’ll remember these as much as the winners.