Wayne Rooney Scored A Hat Trick, Swore In Celebration, Got A Two-Match Ban

Premier League justice is worse than Sheriff Goodell's.

Wayne Rooney singlehandedly brough United back from 2-0 down, and all but cinched the Premiership. Now, because of some naughty words captured by onfield cameras, he stands to miss two games, including a big FA Cup match with Man City.

After scoring three goals, the last on a penalty, in the span of 14 minutes Saturday, cameras caught Rooney celebrating with teammates. What he said is up for debate, but it's some combination of "fucking what" "fuck off" and "fuck you." I know, I'm shocked he knows that much English.

Rooney apologized immediately after the match, but that wasn't enough. A 2-game ban, which he can appeal up until tomorrow and is expected to. Because why should he suffer for showing emotion just because the FA's all image-conscious lately?