We Are All Dave McKenna LXXXIII

Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit realizes it has less balls than a castrato.

A man like Dan Snyder would never travel like a commoner. Only the best for Dan Snyder: a Bombardier Global Express XRS corporate jet. I got curious about this aircraft and went to their website. Here's the description of Dan Snyder's jet (with a few editorial observations):

The Bombardier Global Express XRS corporate jet is the most luxurious, most accomplished business aircraft ever built, accommodating the desires (???) of the most sophisticated (unless you're Dan Snyder) and demanding traveler with no compromises (unless you traded three draft picks for it). Building on its Global Express heritage and raising the bar yet again (if you consider finishing .500 to be a victory), this extraordinary aircraft offers even greater cabin comfort (even for people who build ballrooms in their homes?), enhanced performance (the owner needs it) and further advanced technology (Baby Einstein) for increased productivity (???) and peace of mind (until you read the Washington City Paper).

No other business jet flying today carries you faster (to a losing record), farther (into disgrace). Balancing comfort, speed and range (???) in a way that maximizes each (???) with agile brilliance (who wrote this shit?), the Bombardier Global Express XRS corporate jet places you (me?) at the top of your game (unless you're Dan Snyder) and the world in the palm of your hand (unless you're Dan Snyder and have a shirtless picture of Jerry Jones, because then the world is actually your penis).

Take your filthy world out of your hand and hand over a dollar to the City Paper's legal defense fund here.