We've Secretly Switched Canseco's Coffee With Mind Control Serum, Let's See If He Notices

You've seen the excerpts. You've heard the stories. Now prepare for the book tour. Jose Canseco is gallivanting about America, pubbing his second book, "Vindicated," the gripping tale of one man trying to figure out how to use a word processor to burn every bridge he had in baseball. And he doesn't trust anyone with his coffee.

ANYONE.

"Who made this coffee? If you don't know who made it, you've got to dump it," Canseco snapped at a store employee. "No way they are going to get me."

They?

Yes, them. You see Juan Valdez and Pat Jordan over there in the corner, sniggering while grinding coffee beans laced with the secret ingredient ... Nutrasweet. [ominous thunderclap] (Because, see, Canseco's more of an Equal kinda guy. I probably should have explained that earlier.)

As much as we enjoy the playful ribbing of the archetypal jock — and I know I do, a little bit too much — he does seem to be gathering a following of loyal fans. People who respect Jose Canseco. One man drove three hours just to get his autograph, and called him "brave."

We've obtained exclusive of his signature, by the way:

Also one more nugget from that story, way at the tail end:

With that Canseco got up and hopped on an escalator, headed down. He was running late for Geraldo Rivera.

That explains the shiver, just now.

Jose Canseco Still Raging Over Roids [Chicago Tribune]