Whoever Hacked Marcell Dareus Did A Good Job

Early this morning, the above post appeared on the Instagram feed of Bills defensive tackle Marcell Dareus. Next to a perhaps unflattering photo of himself, Dareus appears to torch the NFL, the Bills, Rex Ryan, the team’s owner, its fans, and its fans’ kids before quitting altogether so he can smoke weed. (Dareus was suspended for the first four games of this season for testing positive for marijuana.) Dareus said he was hacked—which, in this case, is eminently believable—but it’s more fun to imagine that he wasn’t.

Most hackers either use their access to expose something private—i.e. nude photos, videos of you smoking out of a gas mask bong—or shoutout their hacker friends. But this hack asks us to picture Dareus, a star at his position who has been saddled with the burden of playing for the sorry-ass Bills, just up and walking off the job so he can instead spend his time getting high, which I can guarantee is more relaxing to the mind than playing for the Bills.

This hack is basically a reboot of Office Space that culminates in Dareus ripping the projector out the defensive meeting room and bashing it to pieces in the middle of the practice field. Fuck the fans and fuck your kids. Hell yeah.