Who's Sorry Now? Fat Guy Edition

In possibly the biggest apology in soccer history (until the LA Galaxy gets around to explaining the whole Beckham thing), Diego Maradona has apparently admitted that it was his hand — not God's — that pushed home Argentina's game-turning goal against England in the 1986 World Cup. Of course, the fact that Maradona is moving to England has nothing whatever to do with it.

Diego Maradona last night issued his first ever apology for his infamous Hand of God goal — and insisted: "If I could apologise and go back and change history I would." The 47-year-old former Argentina ace caved in during an interview with The Sun — nearly 22 years after his handballed effort cheated England out of the 1986 World Cup.

Oh Diego; you delightful, chubby cocaine abuser. How can we stay mad at you?

Elsewhere in tearful remorse:

• Sorry we have nothing more important to do. — U.S. Congress

• Sorry for dragging this thing out beyond the point of endurance, even though we know there's no chance of signing him anyway. — New York Mets

• Sorry we didn't think of this. — Writers for HBO's

• Sorry this may be the last Super Bowl for awhile. — NFL Players' Union

• Very sorry for hiring assistant coaches without telling you, Lane. Also for the dementia. Applesauce! — Al Davis

• Sorry we made Britain look like a giant penis. — Early mapmakers