Why Your Hometown Columnist Sucks: Peter Vecsey

Forgive the analogy, but it occurred to us that a Peter Vecsey column is a lot like going hunting with Dick Cheney. If you're loud and obnoxious enough to scare the little critters out of hiding and keep loudly blasting away, you're bound to hit something eventually. And those innocent people who get in the way and take a little bird shot to the face? Collateral damage. Unfortunate, but that's journalism — at least at the New York Post, anyway. More after the vital statistics. Name: Peter Vecsey. Writes For: New York Post. Attended: Archbishop Molloy High, '61 (Stanners). Famous Archbishop Malloy alumns: Brian Winters, Kenny Smith, David Caruso ('74), Tom Westman (winner, Survivor Palau). Most often seen on: NBATV. Nicknames: Peter Vasectomy; Peter Cotton Tale; Gangsta. Family: Laura Vescey, niece (columnist, Baltimore Sun); George Vescey, brother (columnist, New York Times). Grooming trivia: Reportedly owns several toupees which he tends like pet rabbits. Binkie: Cotton Fitzsimmons. Most resembles: Former head of Russian presidential staff Alexander Voloshin. Famously feuded with: Mark Cuban.

Here's the scouting report on Vecsey, courtesy of Wikipedia: "Vecsey is also known for his cynical, spiteful and acidic style, in which virtually every point he makes is negative. It is extremely rare for him to make any positive assertions. Common targets for his bitter style include Charles "Charlatan" Barkley, Danny "Pigtails" Fortson, "Bye-Ron" Scott, the "Screw-Jersey" Nets, the New York Knicks, Vin Baker's alcohol problems, Shawn Kemp fathering many children out of wedlock and former Nets star Jayson Williams." It's OK to be a total prick, we guess, if you bring the journalistic goods. But that's the problem. Here are two recent Vecsey scoops: The Pacers' Ron Artest to Seattle for Brent Barry ... and Steve Francis "going to the Denver Nuggets in the next 48 hours" ... At what point, we wonder, does your credibility suffer when you predict things like this? We suppose the bar is higher at, say, the Washington Post, than it is at the New York Post.

But considering all this, is Vecsey at least funny? You tell us: "Following his 1-for-16 misadventure in Game 1 against the Sonics, Mike Bibby, desperate to figure out his shooting problem, drove to the nearest Wendy's to see if its employees could put their finger on it." Um, what? It's hard to get to know Vecsey on a day-to-day basis, because the Post has the nerve to charge for his back columns. We didn't ask how much, but whatever it is, it's a little too rich for our blood. Peter Vecsey Archives [New York Post]