Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise
Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Will Someone Please Help Jose Canseco Get His Decorative Light Fixtures Back?

Illustration for article titled Will Someone Please Help Jose Canseco Get His Decorative Light Fixtures Back?

There is so much compressed sadness in this one tweet that I think we can now upgrade Jose Canseco from professional sad sack to existential hero. I mean, at this point would you be at all surprised if his next tweet were, "woke up from uneazy dreams now ima bug ,help"?

Advertisement

This one is especially poignant. It's all there, a whole story in just 131 characters, a sort of "For sale: baby shoes, never worn," except with more spray tan. We have a villain, an unreliable narrator, the sad drama of a man clinging desperately to lost tokens of status. We have freaking "chandeleers." I know this book. I've read this book. Jose Canseco is what you'd get if you pumped Edith Wharton full of Deca and threw her in a mesh shirt.

Illustration for article titled Will Someone Please Help Jose Canseco Get His Decorative Light Fixtures Back?
Advertisement

* * * *

Thanks for your continued support of Deadspin. Hickey's here over the weekend.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter