Wiz Khalifa continues Pirates tradition of pitching while totally zooted

While the Pirates will never build him a statue, Dock Ellis has made sure that the greatest accomplishment in sports was performed by a Pirate. That was throwing a no-hitter while on LSD. Perhaps as our country continually lessens its aversion to drugs it’ll get the display it deserves at PNC Park, if not every MLB stadium. But that remains my wish.

Cleary, Wiz Khalifa was merely paying homage last night when he threw out the first pitch before the Pirates game:

Now that’s a dude taking in the scenery…the scenery only he can see. And yes, it is crazy Wiz. That’s why Ellis was diving out of the way of balls hit to third on that fateful night in San Diego. A joy you or I will never know.

Looked like that wasn’t the only joy for our hero, either:

Those crackerjacks will taste better than the best meal any of us have ever had. Better than roast beef at the Ritz, they say.

Staying with baseball, here’s Logan Webb making Joey Votto look like an inflatable wavy arm man:

Statcast had that one as having 13 inches of horizontal break. Greg Maddux used to start his two-seam at a lefty’s hip and watch it shave off the inside corner. Webb starts it at the hip and watches it make a break for the third base dugout. And that’s Joey Votto, one of the best hitters of his generation, bailing out for the neighbor’s bomb shelter as the pitch dissects the strike zone perfectly in half.

Shit ain’t fair, man.

In other news, it would appear that Team America is moving from Leeds United to AC Milan. After capturing Christian Pulisic last week, the Rossoneri are hot on the trail of Yunus Musah. After selling Sandro Tonali off to Newcastle for a cool $72 million, Milan seem to be keen on Musah being his replacement.

It would be a good move for Musah, even if there was a time when Valencia was on par if not above Milan. Serie A is more competitive than La Liga, certainly has become faster paced (a statement that would have given an aneurysm to every soccer fan had it been said 10-15 years ago), and Milan is in the Champions League.

While Milan have also brought in Ruben Loftus-Cheek to bolster their midfield, he should play a little deeper than Musah usually likes to, and should also free up the Yank to dance through midfield with the ball as he likes to do.

Milan may be the heart of the USMNT attacking force, as Inter Milan are heavily rumored to be the likeliest suitor for Falorin Balogun, where he would step in for the departed Eden Dzeko and possibly Romelu Lukaku as well. Let’s be having more of this, gang.

Follow Sam on Twitter @Felsgate and on Bluesky @Felsgate.bsky.social.