Worst Burglar Ever Wears Stolen Oregon Jersey, Hides In Bathtub

A Portland man entered his bathroom to find a strange man in the tub, wearing his Onterrio Smith Ducks jersey. Worst horror movie ever.

Perhaps filling up his Whizzinator? Who the hell knows what he was doing. Police say Radai Artega-Vasquez snuck into the home and stole the Oregon jersey from a pile of dirty laundry. The homeowner found him covering in mud, sweating profusely, with bloodshot eyes, lying in his bathtub.

Artega-Vasquez offered him money to not call the cops, and was chased out with a baseball bat. The jersey is missing and presumed soiled. ("Ducks jersey...Dirty ducks!" said the police spokesman, an OSU fan.)

Portland man finds stranger in his bathtub coated in mud, wearing his Ducks jersey [Oregonian]