Wrigley Field Bathrooms Will Be Ready Next Month, Maybe

Thanks to a rainout without rain, today is Game No. 2 for Wrigley Field, which revealed on opening night that its renovations had left it painfully, pants-pissingly short of functional bathrooms. The Cubs have addressed the situation by trucking in 72 portable toilets, to be split between the left-field concourse and outside the ballpark.

As if peeing at Wrigley weren’t gross enough, imagine what these things must be like by the seventh inning.

(Photo from reader Matt.)

(Photo from reader Victor.)

By all accounts, things are running smoothly today; the smaller crowd surely has something to do with it. But much like those port-a-potties, this story in the contains some vaguely concerning nuggets:

According to vice-president of ballpark operations Carl Rice, the portable toilets were suggested by the city of Chicago. Would the Cubs have done anything on their own?

Rice on the bathroom problems: “Whether it was the renovation and anything that happened during the off-season, we really haven’t been able to figure that out.” They don’t know why their bathrooms broke.

Rice denies that the city is concerned with potential health code violations, and also denies that the Cubs will have to move their home games to somewhere with enough places to piss and shit. It’s bad when you even have to deny these things.

So, what about some glorious future day when fans will no longer have to piss and shit in smelly, dirty, sink-less plastic cells? “One men’s and one women’s restroom are expected to be ready by May 11.” May 11! Godspeed, Cubs fans.

Someone should have to answer for this.

OK, someone else then.