Your Very First Deadspin Executions

To keep the comments as fresh and outstanding as they've been up to this point, Commenting Guru Rob Iracane will write a bi-weekly Comment Ombudsman column. It runs every other week. This is that week.

Mr. Iracane is the guy who approves comments around here, and the fellow to whom you should address any comment account requests, and he will explore issues involved in commenting, what makes a great comment thread, what's working, what isn't, answer your questions, so on. We want the place to continue to be as much fun as it is every day, and it's not an execution thread like our friends at Gawker do. We like to be inclusive here, because if we're not, we'd be forced to rely on our own wit and knowledge, and that's a scary thought indeed.

So here's this week's column, on proper commenting relative to photos, is after the jump. Of course, don't be afraid to let him have it in the comments.

Imagine Deadspin dot com to be a third world country in upheaval. Perhaps one of those tropical countries whose chief exports are narcotics and whose preferred mode of transportation is a burro. When a new ruling party takes over the country via coup d'etat, the poor, lower class citizens are anxious to see the first people to be kicked out of power, whether they are sent into exile or simply killed with a blunt axe. Today, we celebrate the Daulerio revolution by killing off some commenters with a blunt axe. So pardon me while I don my adorable black hood with cute little eye-holes cut out so I can see your necks and cute little ear-holes cut out so I can hear your screams.

No, I'm not killing off anyone for making a couple unfunny comments. If that were the case, Deadspin's comment sections would be populated by Suss, Gourmet Spud, and a tumbleweed. Rather, I am going to focus on the secondary rules that I have been preaching to you for months now. Nobody cares about your fantasy team, nobody cares that you can't see the video, nobody cares that you passed the bar exam and are meeting some friends for drinks and would anyone in the Cleveland area like to join? So keep trying to be funny (as difficult as it may seem) but don't worry if you swing and miss on some jokes. Instead, mind the rules, friend, and just try a little harder next time.

For these folks, however, there is no next time:

Say Goodbye To: ChrisNH Why: Nothing gives me the red ass more than when someone laughs at a joke and then explains it for those of us who areobviously too slow to pick up on a reference.

Say Goodbye To: BillyButleriscrushingmydreams

Why: Besides being a sadsack Royals fan who probably needed someone to put him out of his misery, he also bitched about the length of a column with the very first comment. Ugh.

Say Goodbye To: banana_phone

Why: Mr. (or Mrs!) Phone was way too late on something that was never very funny and then inquired as to whether he was too late on something that was never very funny

Feedback? Questions? Want to bring back Comments of the Fortnight? Please write me a letter.