Blowout was the name of the game today. Lots of lopsided and weird games that surely no one will knee-jerkingly attribute to the lockout. Here's a quick and tidy roundup, done just for you. Look for another open thread for the night game. Photo thanks to Mocksession.

Atlanta at Chicago: So all my hard work in previewing these games was blown to pieces by Jay Cutler's 312 yard, two touchdown, performance. Bears fans were also treated to Brian Urlacher Turns Back The Clock Day.

Cincinnati at Cleveland: Cedric Benson sealed the deal for the Bengals with a Late TD propelling the Bengals to a 27-17 victory. At least it rained so local fans were able to bathe.

Buffalo at Kansas City: Remember when it was impossible to win in Kansas City? Googily moogily doesn't even begin to describe this one. Ryan Fitzpatrick throws four touchdowns as the Bills annihilate the Chiefs 41-7.

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Philadelphia at St. Louis: The Dream Team wins and St. Louis really, really loses. After a 47 yard touchdown run, Steven Jackson's game was Chingachgooked like he was Magua.

Detroit at Tampa Bay: Because they desperately need it, Lions fans are hopeful. Because they desperately need it, the feeling will surely be fleeting. Detroit wins this one 27-20, making it the first season opening victory since 2007.

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Tennessee at Jacksonville: Jacksonville beat the Jeff Fisher-less Titans 16-14. They should probably have a head coach if they want to win games. With no word to the contrary, it is probably safe to assume Luke McCown is still alive.

Pittsburgh at Baltimore: The physicality fest was decidedly one-sided as the Ravens rolled the Steelers 35-7. Ben Roethlisberger threw three picks lending even more credence to the "marriage kills the killer instinct" hypothesis. Which, lets get serious, I think we can finally bump up to theory status.

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Indianapolis at Houston: Jim Irsay was very disappointed by the loss n the team's performance n a bunch of other stuff. But 2morrow is another day. :-)

Carolina at Arizona: As if Peyton Manning needed anything else broken, Cam Newton breaks his record for most week one yards thrown by a rookie. As he throws for over 400 yards, the Panthers lose 28-21. He's well on his way. Just make sure you get neck insurance, Cam!

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Minnesota at San Diego: Percy Harvin fuels the discussion with an exciting and dangerous kickoff return for a touchdown. San Diego wins, 24-17, on the strength of Donovan McNabb's 7-15, 39 yard day.

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Seattle at San Francisco: Thank God the Giants game ended in time for New Yorkers (read: me) to see Ted Ginn, Jr. break off a 102 yard kickoff return and a 55 yard punt return less than a minute apart to seal the game for the 49ers. They win 33-17.

New York at Washington: So, within the past couple weeks D.C. has been hit by an earthquake, a hurricane and a 300+ yard, 2 TD performance out of Rex Grossman. Nice knowing you, guys.

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Robert DeNiro vs. Teleprompter: This was a close one, but DeNiro showed up big time.