Whimsy - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
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Slumping White Sox Fella Daniel Palka Would Henceforth Prefer To Be Known As "Julian"
White Sox outfielder Daniel Palka finished his rookie season last year with a healthy 27 home runs and 67 runs batted in, in 417 at-bats. It was a promising year, even if Palka also struck out a whopping 153 times. His sophomore year has not been so promising—Palka opened the season 1-for-35 from th...

Bees Bug Cricketers
It was absolute scenes in the North of England today during a World Cup match between Sri Lanka and South Africa, as players were forced to duck for cover when a swam of bees invaded the grounds....

Murray State Only Discovered Ja Morant Because A Coach On A Recruiting Trip Decided To Go For A Snack
By now you’re probably aware that Ja Morant, one of the top players heading into this year’s NBA Draft, was not the most heralded prospect coming out of high school. Though he averaged 27 points, eight rebounds and eight assists through his junior and senior years, he wasn’t ranked on any recruiting...

Brewers Utility Man Hernán Pérez Pitches Delightful, YouTube-Inspired 1-2-3 Inning
Normally I would not ask you to pay attention to a late half-inning in a 16–0 June blowout, where pretty much by definition nothing that happens matters in the slightest. This is no normal half-inning! First of all the pitcher is Brewers utility man Hernán Pérez, making his second appearance on the ...

Deserve's Got Nothing To Do With It When Adults Lose Their Minds Over A Foul Ball
Foul ball and dinger retrieval rights shouldn’t necessarily be decided by merit. The most qualified person in a given section to score a game ball is generally going to be an adult with a baseball glove and a disconcertingly high threshold for self-humiliation. By contrast, the least qualified perso...

Antonio Brown's Unkempt Pittsburgh Lawn Is A Boon To Mother Nature, You Jerks
Mercurial superstar and occasional dick Antonio Brown was granted his trade request by the Pittsburgh Steelers and shipped to the Oakland Raiders back in early March. NFL football being the year-round occupation that it is, Brown is long gone and already participating in optional offseason workouts ...

Gabrielle Union Needed To Tell Dwyane Wade That Milk Doesn't Cost $20
After years of scheduled practices, workouts, and games, the unstructured life of retirement can be a shock for any professional athlete who decides to hang it up for the last time at the end of their season. But for some, the shock of adjusting to everyday life doesn’t have to be a bad thing, as D...

Mike Francesa Warns That Meteorologists Are In The Pocket Of BIG TRAVEL
Memorial Day weekend is once again upon us. Americans across this great nation reserve this time for 72 somber and solitary hours spent quietly honoring the sacrifices of those who gave their lives in service of the United States Armed Forces, or alternately for several bitchin’ barbecues. Whatever ...

Biased Umpire Brazenly Interferes In Fiercely Contested Anthem Standoff
I don’t know how the Miami Marlins can possibly trust the umpire crew working their Wednesday night game against the Detroit Tigers, after this blatant display of partisanship by Fieldin Culbreth during the anthem standoff between Daniel Stumpf and Sandy Alcantara....

Young Child Demonstrates Impressive Pigeon-Throwing Abilities To Confused, Scared Onlookers
Pigeons don’t have a whole lot of real-world applications outside of being the animal that Burger King probably gets the meat for their chicken nuggets from. But thanks to this adorable child, we now know that if you have quick enough hands, you can actually turn these rats with wings into temporary...

Report: U.S. Navy Cracks Case Of Majestic Sky Dick
The gigantic contrail dick that graced the skies over Washington state’s Okanogan County in November 2017 was, it has long been known, the work of some number of pilots out of Naval Air Station Whidbey Island. After all, the Navy immediately apologized for the celestial dong, describing it as “unacc...

Dodgers Fan Keeps Trying To Catch Foul Balls, Keeps Throwing Food All Over The Damn Place
The undisputed highlight of last night’s game between the Dodgers and Giants, which ended up a 2-1 victory for San Francisco, was the two-part slapstick routine that one Dodgers fan performed in the stands, much to the detriment of his wallet, his appetite, and all the people around him....
