A List Of Things Old People Are Pussies About

Recently a woman eating at a North Carolina McDonald's found a butter swastika on the inside of her bun. Now, you might think that we are all defiantly anti-swastika out there, but some of the comments on a news story about the incident proved otherwise, including one that concluded with the following:

It hurts me that people just have to find something to complain about today.

So true. There's nothing old people love more than telling us youngsters how soft our generation is today. Yes yes, back in your day you walked 50 miles to school and kept your head down and ate your butter swastika without whining WHATEVER OLDIE. So I would just like to counter the "Pussification of America" narrative by noting that old people are TOTAL pussies about the following things:

Eating raw fish

Sexy books

Curse words

Drugs

Loud music

Signing up for an email account

Staying up late

Pitching to a black hitter

Going to Europe

Talking about past trauma

The future, in which stockpiling gold will probably not be necessary

Animation

Hip-hop

Possible terrorism

Not voting along party lines

Admitting they are probably too drunk to drive home

Meeting new people

Twerking

All dancing, really

Acknowledging that Bobby is a happy young gay man

Violence on television

Falling down

Drew Magary writes for Deadspin. He's also a correspondent for GQ. Follow him on Twitter @drewmagary and email him at [email protected]. You can also order Drew's book, Someone Could Get Hurt, through his homepage.

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