A Side-By-Side Examination Of Tiger's Golf Performance And His Concurrent Sexting

As you know, many of the texts in the Tiger Woods-Joslyn James correspondence were sent during Tiger's golf tournaments. At the Barclays, for instance, Woods finished a disappointing second but also expressed a fond wish to make Joslyn James sore.

Let's have a look at what Tiger texted and when, and how he fared on the golf course in that time. The sample is too small to draw any conclusions; we will say only that Tiger's famous ability to block out distractions — to enter some sort of otherworldly zone and focus on the task before him — applies to both his golf game and his pursuit of sub rosa humping.

Buick Open, July 30-Aug. 2, 2009 Tiger's score: 71-63-65-69=268 (-20), 1st place Tiger fires a 3-under 69 in the final round and coasts to a three-shot victory. It's the 69th tour win of his career and cements his status as golf's greatest closer. "Im all clean," he texts Joslyn James. "Come on down:)"

World Golf Championships-Bridgestone Invitational, Aug. 4-9 Tiger's score: 68-70-65-65=268 (-12), 1st place Trailing by a stroke on the par-5 16th hole, Tiger drops an eight-iron just a foot from the hole and winds up with a birdie. Leader Padraig Harrington makes triple bogey. Woods goes on to win by four strokes. "Can't talk now," he texts Joslyn James. "Will text when i can."

PGA Championship, Aug. 10-16 Tiger's score: 67-70-71-75=283 (-5), 2nd place Y.E. Yang outduels Tiger, arcing a hybrid shot to 10 feet on the 72nd green to seal the victory. "Me to," Tiger texts Joslyn James, cryptically.

The Barclays, Aug. 24-29 Tiger's score: 70-72-67-67=276 (-8), 2nd place (tie) Tiger finishes second by a stroke, missing a 7-footer on the green where tournament winner Heath Slocum had earlier sunk a 21-foot par. Woods tells reporters: "It happens. Not too many golf courses that you misread putts that badly. This golf course is one." He tells Joslyn James, among other things, that he "want[s] to be deep inside [Joslyn James]," that he "would wear [Joslyn James] out," that he "would love to have the ability to make [Joslyn James] sore," that in a week he "will try to wear [Joslyn James] out" and promises to "Hold [Joslyn James] down" and "choke [Joslyn James]" and "fuck that ass that [Tiger Woods] own[s]." Also, in four rounds, Tiger makes only 85.3 percent of his putts from 10 feet or closer.

Deutsche Bank Championship, Sept. 1-7 Tiger's score: 70-67-72-63=271 (-12), 11th place (tie) Tiger struggles to an 11th-place finish, at one point mishitting a drive so badly that he chucks the club into the tall fescue grass near the tee. "So," Woods asks Joslyn James, "when can i have that ass again."