Always, Always Be Wearing A Cup. Always.

All right, when a story starts with this lede ...

A locker room prank as common as the snapped towel has one Ponderosa High School student in danger of felony assault charges and another in danger of losing his testicles.

... then we'd say, yeah, we're probably gonna point you in its general direction.

Turns out, a 17-year-old junior snowboarder did a "cup check" on a 14-year-old freshman teammate and ... next thing you know, the kid's in danger of losing a testicle. When we first saw this story, we thought it was a towel-snapping incident, which, frankly, would have been considerably worse. The freshman is being treated for internal bleeding and an infection, and the testicles are in serious danger. The debate now — and we love that we live in a world where this could be classified as a "debate" — is whether or not the junior hit him with a closed fist or an "open-handed slap." We had this same debate when we lost our virginity.

By the way, this all started when the freshman complained to his mother about his testicle pain. As if being 14 wasn't freaking hard enough already.

Felony Assault, Or Just A Joke? [Sacramento Bee]