American Matthew Hoppe scores Bundesliga hat trick

America’s future is brighter than ever!

No, not the country. We’re in for a rough time, because even after Joe Biden is inaugurated, it’s not like all the fascists are just going to up and disappear. White supremacy, the patriarchy, and exploitation of the working classes all are problems that we’re only beginning to confront in this country, if we’re confronting them at all.

But the men’s national soccer team? Good stuff ahead!

Saturday in Germany, 19-year-old Matthew Hoppe became the first American to score a hat trick in the Bundesliga.

Hoppe, who debuted for Schalke in November, hadn’t scored a goal for the club before Saturday, but once he got started, he found he couldn’t stop.

The Californian opened his account with a sweet chip …

… then added a smooth finish in which he beat an offside trap and dribbled past the goalkeeper for an easy score…

… and completed his hat trick with a dazzling and finessed finish amid traffic.

The goals helped Schalke to a 4-0 victory over Hoffenheim, their first Bundesliga victory in nearly a year, since a Jan. 17, 2020 win over Borussia Mônchengladbach. Schalke’s 30-game winless streak was the second-longest in league history, and with Saturday’s win they avoided tying the league record for futility, 31 straight games without a win by Tasmania Berlin in 1965-66.

That would be 45 years before Hoppe was born.