We are still in the part of the year where the Sunday counterprogramming schedule is chunky with other sports—early season European soccer, regular season baseball, the WNBA playoffs—which is good for sports fans in general, because the NFL’s product so far this season has been poor. Just five of 15 NFL games played so far have been settled by fewer than nine points, and of those five, two—the Week 1 Packers-Seahawks tilt and Thursday’s Bengals-Texans game—featured a combined three touchdowns and nine field goals. In a season where the quarterback position is overflowing with under-qualified stiffs, fans should expect brutal offense and lopsided scores to be the norm.
Today’s counterprogramming slate should give you some competitive—or at least aesthetically pleasing—sports action: Real Madrid, Borussia Dortmund, and Lazio are all playing today; there’s meaningful baseball; there’s playoff basketball; and there’s the final round of a PGA tournament. Or you could always go check out It, which was scary as balls. Have at it:
Noon — beIN Sports Connect — Serie A Soccer: Chievo vs. Atalanta
Couple of sides that are hoping to stay clear of the relegation zone.
Noon — FOX Sports 2 — Bundesliga Soccer: Borussia Dortmund vs. Koln
This is very likely going to be a massacre. Koln haven’t scored a goal yet in three league matches, while Dortmund haven’t allowed a goal in three of their own.
Noon — NBC — PGA Tour Golf: BMW Championship, Final Round
Australian Mark Leishman is five shots clear of the field entering today, with Rickie Fowler and Jason Day his closest competitors.
12:30 p.m. — beIN Sports Español — La Liga Soccer: Las Palmas vs. Athletic Bilbao
For now, Bilbao are a top-five La Liga side, and are a full two points clear of Real Madrid.
1 p.m. — ESPN — MLS Soccer: Philadelphia Union vs. New York Red Bulls
The Red Bulls are hanging onto the final playoff spot in the Eastern Conference, five points clear of Montreal.
2 p.m. — TBS — Baseball: Cardinals @ Cubs
The Cubs have all but clinched the NL Central. ESPN says the Cardinals have a 6.6 percent shot at the Wild Card.
2:45 p.m. — beIN Sports — La Liga Soccer: Real Sociedad vs. Real Madrid
Maybe the Champions League win over Apoel Nicosia was enough to get Madrid pointed in the right direction?
2:45 p.m. — beIN Sports Connect — Serie A Soccer: Lazio vs. Genoa
Lazio will probably run wild on Genoa, but it might be an attractive ass-kicking.
3 p.m. — ESPN — WNBA Playoffs: Minnesota Lynx @ Washington Mystics
The Lynx can sweep the Mystics with a win today in Washington.
5 p.m. — ESPN — WNBA Playoffs: Los Angeles Sparks @ Phoenix Mercury
The Sparks also have a chance at a sweep after crushing the Mercury in Los Angeles in Game 2.
8 p.m. — ESPN — Baseball: Dodgers @ Nationals
The Nats are stumbling, cycling regulars in and out and watching their once-fearsome offense go into the toilet. The Dodgers have won four in a row and seem to be trending in the right direction after their miserable late-summer swoon.
1 p.m. — USA — Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
All day long.
1 p.m. — Logo — Roseanne
The regular Sunday mini-marathon.
1 p.m. — TV Land — The Golden Girls
Every Sunday, like clockwork.
1 p.m. — UP — America’s Funniest Home Videos
Seems like this is really gonna be a thing this season.
4 p.m. — FXX — The Simpsons
Episodes today include only crap from later seasons. Stay away.
4 p.m. — Logo — Married ... With Children
So this is Logo’s new Sunday lineup, at least during football season: Roseanne to cover the early games, then this through the afternoon games. Stick around for primetime and you get another mini-marathon, of Three’s Company.
7 p.m. — ABC — America’s Funniest Home Videos
Seems like these regular Sunday evening episodes are reliably from the Alfonso Ribeiro years.
12:30 p.m. — E! — Titanic
E!’s Sunday lineup is otherwise dedicated to Primetime Emmy’s red carpet stuff. The Primetime Emmy’s are tonight, by the way.
12:30 p.m. — FreeForm — WALL-E
Pretty good Sunday lineup for FreeForm today, if you need to keep the kids entertained. After this they’ve got Despicable Me, followed by The Incredibles, and then Frozen at around 7:30 p.m.
1 p.m. — Syfy — Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Stick around for Serenity, if that’s your bag.
2:30 p.m. — BBC America — Quantum of Solace
Not the best Daniel Craig Bond movie (that would be Casino Royale), but also not the worst (Spectre).
3:30 p.m. — Ovation — Maverick
Eh. You could do worse.
3:35 p.m. — Comedy Central — Office Space
The highlight of an otherwise bleak Comedy Central Sunday lineup.
3:58 p.m. — AMC — Independence Day
AMC is eschewing their semi-regular Walking Dead Sunday marathon in favor of movies. The early games are covered by Peter Jackson’s The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, if you feel like watching someone take a huge dump on one of the greatest and most beloved works of fantasy in human history.
4 p.m. — TNT — Contagion
TNT mostly has bad action crap today—San Andreas and the Peter Jackson King Kong remake—but Contagion is a solid Steven Soderbergh disaster flick that should hold up well on TV.
4:30 p.m. — FX — The Avengers
This is quickly becoming a Sunday counterprogramming staple. It was all over TV last season.
5 p.m. — BBC America — Casino Royale
Weird that BBC America would choose to air these in reverse order. Ah well. They’re re-airing this one at 9 p.m.
6:30 p.m. — Ovation — The Outlaw Josey Wales
Pretty dramatic turnaround from Maverick.
7:30 p.m. — FX — Spy
This movie is funny as hell. I have no idea how it’ll do on network television, since a very large part of its humor is Jason Statham and Melissa McCarthy cussing at people.
Dreary and fall-like out there. Make the most of it!