Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

The Chicago Cubs’ Kyle Schwarber has re-entered our lives this week as a large adult designated hitter and reminded us that he’s pretty good at hitting the baseball. He was not quite so good, however, at football—which Houston Texans wide receiver Braxton Miller will happily remind you of with a t-shirt available for one easy payment of $19.85.


Schwarber and Miller played high school football less than an hour from one another in southwestern Ohio, and Schwarber’s failed tackle attempt here has now given Miller “The Kyle Collection.”

Is “I made Kyle choose baseball” accurate? Not really! (Schwarber had a not-too-shabby highlight reel and some Division I offers, so that’s... unlikely.) Does it make for a cool design? Not really! (Unless you’re into wearing screen-printed pictures of Ohio high school football players and a first-person pronoun that almost certainly does not apply to you, in which case, okay.) Is Braxton Miller selling it on a mug, hoodie and framed poster in addition to the t-shirt? You bet! (Made in the USA, sweatshop free, though.)

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