But Trent Edwards Holds No Touchdown Records

Bills 17, Jets 14 — The J.P. Losman era in Buffalo might go the way of William Henry Harrison after Trent Edwards' surprising 22-for-28, 234-yard performance. Jets fans are dismayed that their team lost, but encouraged that it was Chad Pennington's fault, since his last-ditch effort at the end the game was intercepted.

Lions 37, Bears 27 — The Bears are 0-1 with Brian Griese as their quarterback. The Bears are 0-1 with Brian Griese as their quarterback. The Bears are 0-1 with Brian Griese as their quarterback. Update: No, this isn't the official final score. But it should be, if for no other reason, so I don't look foolish.

Cowboys 35, Rams 7 — I'm sure Terrell Owens is perfectly content with his 3-catch 33-yard outing in a blowout. Yep. Completely elated indeed.

Browns 27, Ravens 13 — Wow. I'll never think little of the Cleveland Browns ever again. At least until next week.

Falcons 26, Texans 16 — Not a soul in the world lacks some fraction of sympathy for Joey Harrington, who has played moderately well in his team's 0-3 start. His 23-for-29, 223-yard, 2-touchdown game has to feel good, like pajama pants right out of the dryer, especially against a surprising team like the Houston Texans.

Raiders 35, Dolphins 17 — Look, you can't have every quarterback named Trent win on any given day. God didn't intend for that to happen.

Packers 23, Vikings 16 — The Kelly Holcomb-patented football comeback was found not innovative by the USPTO and was ultimately nullified by Atari Bigby, who picked off Holcomb with about a minute left in the game. Green Bay is 4-0.