Celtics Begin To Develop A Cellulite Problem

Know how supermodels stay thin? By being called fat at 110 pounds. It's the only way they'll learn. Judge them. Cut them down. You really want a thin slice of carrot cake? Because that dress you love doesn't come in fat cow size.

The Celtics, likewise, are being judged against other regional supermodels, the Red Sox and Patriots. They're plastered all over the sidebar of the Boston Globe's game recap of the Celtics' road loss to the Washington Wizards. For shame. I guess the Patriots and Red Sox can go to Milan to help unveil that new clothing line. But with a 30-5 record, Boston Celtics, I suppose we can find a spot for you in the L.L. Bean catalog.

Collect Call For Dwight Wehadababyitsaboy. Dwight Howard is apparently a dad now after tapping this. Because it's uncouth to dunk a baby, he chooses to keep his personal and professional life separate. Which is why I guess his baby momma, originally an Orlando Magic dancer, defected to Miami. Howard showed no signs of new dad fatigue against the Utah Jazz, but the rest of his team was unable to keep up with in a 119-115 loss in Salt Lake.

Jerry Stackhouse Hates Overtime. I never, never never understood why a team down two points with seconds remaining doesn't always go for the easy 2-point basket. Three pointers are unnecessary. It's this kind of logic that keeps me writing about sports on the Internet and now out there actually playing the sports. Well, that and the lack of coordination, talent, mobility... let's move on. Jerry Stackhouse sank a three-pointer at the buzzer avoiding embarrassment in Los Angeles as the Mavericks escaped from the Clippers 95-94.