Dan Shaughnessy Is Awful

I'd be remiss if I didn't point out this execrable column from Dan Shaughnessy that ran on SI's website earlier this week, and is yet another triumph of idiotic Boston provincialism.

I thought that the end of newspapers would end up making Shaughnessy's particular brand of blithering local asshattery extinct. But no. Now, for reasons unexplained to the world, he's allowed to piss all over SI.com as well, declaring the Winter Classic passé now that it's not being played in his precious, precious hometown:

Let's start with the host city. OK, professional hockey was born in Pittsburgh 100 years ago, but it's simply not a metropolis we associate with hockey.

Think about how stupid that last sentence is. Think of the time Shaughnessy has to spend NOT thinking to write that sentence, instead daydreaming of Babe Ruth reading one of his terrible books and someone buying him hair relaxer for Father's Day. It's Pittsburgh. It's as decent a hockey town as any other. Especially when compared to Boston, which NO ONE thinks of as a hockey town. BUT THEY HAVE BAWBBY FACKIN' ORR-AH!!!! THE HOCKEY TED WILLIAMS!

It's not that Pittsburgh is not a metropolis WE associate with hockey. It's that Pittsburgh is not a metropolis YOU associate with hockey. Because you are from Boston, and Boston is the metropolis people from Boston associate with fucking EVERYTHING.

"OK, legalized gambling was born in Las Vegas, but it's simply not a town we associate with wagering. Not in the way we would SCITUATE, MASS."

Buffalo is not an original six town, but there's no disputing its qualification as a winter sports mecca. Chicago and Boston are part of NHL genesis. Nuff said.

Anyone who says "Nuff said" or "Need I say more?" needs to be elbowed in the cock.

The venue is another problem. Fenway and Wrigley are obvious palaces of worship.

No, they are not. They are fucking baseball stadiums. Dirty, old baseball stadiums, where people get drunk and watch baseball games. They aren't fucking cathedrals. It's not Westminster Abbey. Dickens isn't buried under a fucking stone in left field. They're baseball stadiums. They don't make your town any more special or more important than any other town.

Heinz Field, on the other hand, is a new facility singularly associated with football and the Steelers. It's not old-timey like Fenway or Wrigley.

I DEMAND THIS HOCKEY GAME BE PLAYED IN A MORE OLD-TIMEY VENUE. PLEASE CHECK THE OLD-TIMINESS STATS AT ONCE TO DETERMINE IF THE NEXT STADIUM IS A VIABLE CANDIDATE.

It's simply a football field. Nothing more.

And a baseball field is simply a baseball field. Nothing more. Dan Shaughnessy is puke with bad hair on top.