Has Jay-Z Ever Cheated On Beyonce?

Mitchell:

I was watching the Beyonce documentary and was thinking… Do you think Jay-Z has ever cheated on Beyonce? Or if not, what most high-profile marriage do you think has involved infidelity at some point in time?

Of course he has. For all we know, Beyonce cut a deal with him ages ago and agreed to form the most powerful couple in show business in exchange for Jay being able to discreetly nail anyone he pleases. The amazing thing is that there are STILL people out there who buy into celebrity couples. There were people out there on Tumblr who were like I DON'T BELIEVE IN LOVE ANYMORE! when Amy Poehler and Will Arnett got divorced. You don't know those people. How would you know if they're meant for each other? And why the fuck would you care if they stayed together or not? Just because they're on two shows you like doesn't ensure their love is eternal.

Celebrities are completely fucked up human beings. And the more famous you are, the more fucked up you are. Anyone that believes Jay-Z and Beyonce have some magical relationship that somehow transcends everyday marriages is a fucking moron. How often do those two people see each other? Sixty days a year? Less? Put two unfamous people in a similar situation and see how long the marriage lasts. Every quote from an anonymous source that gushes about Jay-Z and Beyonce is worthless. "They're so real!" "They eat dinner together at home all the time!" "They're totally normal!" All complete shit. Beyonce has herself filmed 18 hours a fucking day. That's not normal at all. If Jay-Z hasn't cheated yet, he will. WOMAN, COULD YOU PLEASE STOP BEING FABULOUS FOR JUST ONE GODDAMN MOMENT? And just wait until you find out that Prince William has been unfaithful to Kate. AT LAST I'LL GET ANOTHER CHANCE AT HER. Wills never appreciated her the way I do.

Okay, time to dive into the Live Funbag below.