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New England 42, Houston 14: Tom Brady had four touchdowns and 296 yards. Matt Schaub? He also participated in the game. New England running backs accounted for 127 yards rushing and another touchdown. Houston running backs had 99 yards and one touchdown. The Patriots ran only two more plays, but out-gained the Texans by 99 yards. TL;DR: Ryan Mallett saw some action tonight.

I'm not sure what to make of this, but Aaron Hernandez appears to be making some kind of imaginary stew and then haphazardly tossing invisible dollar bills into the fictional cauldron. It was the first of two touchdowns for Hernandez and put the Patriots up 7-0 with 9:27 to go in the first quarter.


Here is the second Hernandez touchdown celebration, early in the second quarter, which appears to be a commentary on the quality of the stew he made in the previous celebration. The score put the Pats up 21-0. That would be your score at the end of the first half.

Donte Stallworth would make the score 28-0 five minutes into the third quarter on a 63 yard touchdown. Arian Foster added a crazy-important touchdown for the Texans shortly thereafter. The reason you know that it was crazy-important is this next GIF. Tom Brady, after scampering for, like, five yards? Pops up and freaks. Out. First down signal, yelling and screaming, crowd-pumping-up gestures—the whole bit. It's still 28-7 Patriots, and the third quarter just ended.


That first down then made possible the crazy fumble-touchdown you see up top that only happens in a game like this. Danny Woodhead made one move too many and had the ball punched out of his arms some 10 yards where it then perfectly bounced straight up in the air, allowing Brandon Lloyd to dive under it and recover it in the endzone. It gave the Pats a 35-7 lead and they would hang on late to win 42-14.

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