Football Page 1536 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Fireman Ed Charged With Assault For Preseason Shoving Match
Remember when the Jets superfan took on an intoxicated Giants fan? Apparently, putting drunks in their place is a crime. Ed's been charged with simple assault. It's a baseless charge, but Ed's still a dickhole. [Star-Ledger]...

Ines Sainz Rips Women's Media Group A New One
Sainz basically told the Association for Women in Sports Media to go fuck off, she doesn't want their help. She also had harsh words for the journos and columnists covering the story. Please don't hate us, Ines....

Mike Vick Will Keep Being Best Quarterback In Universe Ever On Sunday, Usually Illogical Coach Declares
Somebody grab a tin bucket and a bag of sawdust because I'm about to puke excitement all over this page. Andy Reid, more stubborn than the most stubborn hanging toenail on the stubbornest toe, has apparently had his head surgically removed from his big red ass and is starting...MIKE VICK THIS SUNDAY...

The Jets Introduced A Car Service For Players The Week Before Braylon Edwards's DUI
As pointed out this morning (and ReTweeted by Peter King — cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria), the most galling thing about Edwards driving drunk is the sheer number of alternatives. Here's another one: the Jets provide free cars and drivers....

You Catch A Helmet At A Football Game, You Get Yourself A Radio Interview
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the guy who caught Brandon Jacobs's helmet....

Little Kid Definitely Does Not Want To Be Put In The Auburn Store
This tyke has an SEC-Speed meltdown at the mall after a seemingly empty threat. Laugh now, until it comes out that "The Auburn Store" is code for some kind of sex dungeon. [via Gossip Sports]...

Wealthy Jets Receiver Braylon Edwards Gets Pinched For DWI In City With Most Cabs Ever
After being stopped by police for driving erratically and blowing twice the legal limit, chinbeard enthusiast Braylon Edwards was charged with DWI Tuesday. The Jets, who have a car service for partying players, were astonished someone actually drove in Manhattan. [Daily News]...

OU Mascot Not Actually OU Student
Rufus Bobcat, who tried to tackle Brutus Buckeye, isn't even an OU student, and tried out for the mascot gig just for the chance to assault Brutus....

This Should Have Been The NFL's Concussion Poster
Our friends at 12 Angry Mascots have announced a winner in their contest to redesign the NFL's concussion awareness poster. This is the best; honorable mentions inside....

The Guy Who Bought That Georgia Player's Jersey Is Innocent, Or Something
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: the guy who bought A.J. Green's jersey....

Notes On "Campdick": A Former NFLer On Ines Sainz And Locker-Room Sexual Tension
A babe reporter walks into a locker room. Catcalls ensue; jock straps fly; penises shrivel. She doesn't understand the words, but she understands the sexual tension. It's palpable when an attractive woman appears. Palpable. Players call it campdick....

Definitive Proof That Time Expired Before MSU's Miracle, And Why It Doesn't Matter
An enterprising soul has gone frame-by-frame and determined that the Spartans' ballsy fake should never have counted. And yet, the refs called the play exactly as they should have....

Embracing The Dog Killer: Michael Vick Is The Best Football Player In The Universe Ever
Last August I interrupted a weeknight of carousing to go home and write about my hometown Eagles' signing of Michael Vick because I was just so dumbfounded by the move. My headline was "JESUS FUCKING CHRIST." It's more apt now....

Weekend Winner: Sparty's Balls (If Not His Vascular System)
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio, who beat Notre Dame on a wonderfully idiotic fake field goal in overtime and then survived a "minor" heart attack....

UF Little Person Strips, Tries To Fight Tennessee Fans
It ends pretty much as you'd expect these things to; with a boot to the chest....

Mascot On Mascot Violence At Ohio State (UPDATE: Brutus Speaks)
Ohio's Rufus Bobcat was lying in wait for Brutus Buckeye as he led OSU onto the field. A little harmless(?) mascot fun escalated to the point where security had to escort a man in a big foam suit off the field....

Your NFL Late Games Open Thread
So, Patriots LB Jerod Mayo said Darrelle Revis might be faking his injury and QB Mark Sanchez "looks to run before he looks to throw." [NY Post] Meanwhile, Sanchez says, "we're ready to have a breakout game." [ESPN.com]...

Plaxico Burress Talks About Being in Prison, Doesn't Seem to Like It
The New York Daily News spared no hokey imagery in bringing America the long-awaited "Hey, I wonder how Plaxico Burress feels after almost a year of being locked up" story today....

Michigan State Coach Has Heart Attack Shortly After Beating* Notre Dame
Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio was hospitalized Sunday after suffering a mild heart attack shortly after an overtime victory against Notre Dame....

Your NFL Early Games Open Thread
Of the nine early games, I'm most interested in finding out whether Michael Vick gets three touchdowns by arm and two by foot, or two by arm and three by foot....