Football Page 1604 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jay Cutler, Diabetic, Shills for McDonald's
The commercial was filmed in June of 2008 and has recently started airing on Denver television. This means the commercial was filmed after Cutler realized he had diabetes. The commercial combines the hilarity of the Coors Light press conference commercials (read:none) but adds an annoying little ki...
Bob Griese Sets A New Standard for Announcing Objectivity By Waving Purdue Flag During "Shout"
ESPN/ABC assigned Bob Griese, a Purdue alum, to call the Purdue-Oregon game this weekend. On Friday we posted that Erin Andrews felt the need to defend her objectivity after the Florida-Miami game. Well, it should be interesting to see what the response is from Bob Griese after he took a Purdue fla...
Kiffin And His 'Hang In There' Cat Poster Could Be Gone By Tonight
This is kind of a shocker even for Al Davis: Despite a solid win over Kansas City on Sunday, Lane Kiffin is reportedly as good as gone as head coach of the Raiders, perhaps as early as this week. The Chronicle's Nancy Gay says that it's going to be Rob Ryan taking over. And once again we're reminded...
For These Prices I Could Send My Car To Summer Camp. Am I Right, Folks?
So why is price gouging illegal in hurricane-ravaged areas of Texas and Louisiana, but scenes such as this on Saturday at the LA Coliseum go virtually unnoticed? To recap, there were some Ohio State fans who paid $500 apiece for tickets to the USC game (those were the cheap ones), then had to break ...
When The Whistle Blows
Pity the poor secretary who trudges in to work this morning at the law offices of Jones, Skelton & Hochuli, P.L.C. in Phoenix. Being crushed by an avalanche of fax paper when you open the door is no way to die. Chargers fans spent Sunday evening posting Ed Houchli's work email and phone number all a...
Creative Ways to Cheat Your Way to Success Back at the Office
Over the weekend, we've been presented with numerous ways to succeed by circumventing unfair and inappropriate "rules" meant to hurt you and not others by not giving you everything you want immediately. As we close out this weekend, let us give you the tools used by sports teams across the globe so ...
The Sun Sets on Another NFL Sunday
Bill Parcells must be wondering what kind of store you have to shop at to come home with groceries like Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. All he knows right now is that his roster of players from Publix just aren't going to get the job done. The Arizona pair racked up 293 receiving yards on 12 ca...
Surprise, Surprise: Terrell Owens is Once Again Acting Childish
The 2004 season in which Donovan McNabb and Terrell Owens teamed up to lead the Philadelphia Eagles to their first Super Bowl since 1980 was one of the greatest seasons my maligned city has seen in decades. Terrell Owns was a huge part of that and was beloved for it … before his real lunacy started ...
On to the Late Games
But first...how 'bout them Redskins! Getting back to business, we're blessed with five late games, and a couple of them don't even suck. Then there are the ones that feature the Dolphins, the Falcons, and the Niners. Regardless I'm giving them all the equal treatment (except for the Dolphins, becaus...
NFL Update: Week 2 Early Games Final
• Bears 17, Panthers 20- sigh. Jonathan Stewart scored his second TD with under four minutes left to secure the win. Oh, and a stalled Bears drive failed to bring them back. • Bills 20, Jaguars 16 - Trent Edwards (20-25, 239 yds.) charged back with 10 points in the fourth to steal the win. • Giants ...
NFL Update: Week 2 Third Quarter
• Bears 17, Panthers 13- Carolina rudely won't give up to the Neckbeard's superiority (17-23, 140 yards). Also: holding, Chicago. • Bills 10, Jaguars 16 - Maurice Jones-Drew scores a TD on a 74-yard drive for the Jaguars. • Giants 20, Rams 6 - Eli Manning: 17-26, 202 yds, 2 TDs, 86 commercials. Welc...
NFL Update: Week 2 Halftime
• Bears 10, Panthers 3- Both teams traded field goals in the second quarter. Matt Forte has 15 carries for 43 yards. • Bills 10, Jaguars 3 - Fred Jackson has four catches for 50 yards. • Giants 13, Rams 6 - Both teams traded field goals and then traded field goals again, including one at the half. E...
That's Why They Call It Special Teams
Chris Myers gave himself a water bukkake before the Bears-Panthers game. We're pretty sure we never need to see that again. In fact, we're stepping away in a moment to invent a time machine so we can step back in time to smash our television set just before it happened and then tell our self in the ...
OMG LT Is Down (Maybe)! Begin Looting Now!
Your Sunday morning NFL headlines to adjust your line... up of food for: • LaDainian Tomlinson's owie toe may keep him off the field (or, you know, not) for the Chargers' attempt to topple Denver down to sea level. Regardless, we require six in-depth profiles of his backups by Monday morning. After ...
Charlie Weis Tears Two Ligaments in Knee While Simply Standing Around
Charlie Weis got Theismen'd yesterday during the Notre Dame v. Michigan game. Did the fact that he was standing on the sidelines and not actually on the field make the rotund coach feel any more embarrassed? Heck no! After the game, Weis found out he tore two ligaments in his knee and he seemed rath...
Nuts v. Contraceptives: #5 Ohio State-#1 USC
Actually, the Southern California Trojans have already won this game by 24 points, but the NCAA by-laws dictate they have to go ahead and play the game anyway. Everybody important is at the game, except you. And, well, me. So let's get through this impending Buckeyes massacre together, shall we? Oh,...
Hugh Johnson IV: Hugh Can't Mess With the Bulldogs
South Carolina put up a tremendous fight and gave us the exciting college football we all hope for early in September. No. 2 ranked Georgia had the ball bounce their way throughout the day, literally in the end zone at one point, but SC never quit. A nice two minute drill put together by Chris Smell...
Cal's Jahvid Best Loses His Lunch
The early games have been rather boring this afternoon but California's Jahvid Best is having considerably less fun than you are today. As Jamie Mottram put it, "Maryland is beating the puke out of Cal." Literally....
Why Are There So Many Posts About Hugh?
Maryland is running all over the 23rd ranked Cal Bears. So far we've learned that Jim Henson is a former Terp and that Cal isn't very good. Be sure to send your brilliant observations to "The Hugh Johnson" via AIM. So a cal wide receiver just got knocked out basically and threw up his green Gatorade...
Despite Concerns of 'Suicide' Talk, Vince Young Says He's 'Not Depressed'
The Vince Young saga rolls on as we head into week two of the NFL season. It went from Vince Young apparently refusing to go out on the field in the final moments of a game last weekend, to police frantically searching for him Monday night, to talk of Vince having uttered the word "suicide" while ha...