Football Page 1708 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Set Tasers Phasers To "Conduct"
At halftime of the Michigan-Ball State game on Saturday, of all people, freaking Picard proved something we've always suspected: Anybody can be a damned band conductor....
Bo Schembechler Gets Meta On Us
We've told you repeatedly about the Dead Schembechlers, the Ohio State fan punk band that features thrash ditties like "Bomb Ann Arbor Now" and "Chad Henne is A Motherfucking Joke." (Their official site is right here, though someone should probably mention that no one does splash pages anymore.)...
Sometimes, The Gatorade Bottle Is Just Too Far Away
We're posting this just to be obnoxious, and we will not pretend otherwise: During Nebraska's 34-20 victory over Missouri, Tigers quarterback Chase Daniel discovers a way to replenish proteins burned through on the field of battle....
Thinking Good Thoughts For JoePa
If you haven't seen the "highlight" yet, here's video of Joe Paterno's broken leg accident on Saturday. We are extremely fond of Paterno — we always find him lovable; we want him to read us a story or something — and hope he has a speedy recovery, or as speedy a recovery that a 79-year-old man can h...
NFL Roundup: Bears Down!
• Hey, so what did happen to the Bears yesterday? We know they had trouble handling the Buzzsaw, but hey, who doesn't? Losing at home to the Dolphins is not the type of thing that's gonna make people feel all that positively about an all-Midwest Super Bowl. Wasn't Rex Grossman good at the beginnin...
Another "Outstanding" Regular Season Manning Triumph
There is a temptation to point out that if Peyton Manning had thrown four interceptions at home on national television against his biggest rival, he would have been vilified by anyone with a keyboard yet again for being a choker; because it was Tom Brady who did it, it was just an "off night" for ...
NFL Week Nine, Update #4
• Just a couple minutes ago, Hines Ward caught a Roethlisberger pass inside the 10, and tried to turn it upfield into the endzone. As he dove across the ball line, the ball was knocked out, and Denver snapped it. Story of the game for the Steelers. They made some plays, they did some good things.....
The Vols Aren't Taking It Well
When I saw that three Tennessee football players had been arrested, I just assumed that one of them was Pac Man Jones. It wasn't the Titans, though, it was the Volunteers, who figure if they can't beat some ass on the field, they should beat some ass in the club....
NFL Week Nine, Update #3
• I guess the bookies know what they're doing. The Steelers, despite turning the ball over three times in the first half, are going to head into the break down just four points. It's not that they haven't been trying to get blown out; Santonio Holmes is certainly doing his part. He's fumbled a coupl...
NFL Week Nine, Update #2
• The Bengals just failed to convert a 4th-and-4 with under 2:00 to play that would've kept their chances alive. It was close to being pass interference, but T.J. Houshmandzadeh and the official had differing opinions. No flag came, and Houshmandzadeh reacted like someone just snipped off his ponyta...
NFL Week Nine, Update #1
• Baltimore keeps doing what Baltimore does. The Bengals fumbled on a kickoff, and Carson Palmer threw an interception that went to the house, and that should be about all they'll need. It's 17-0, and Carson Palmer has been mostly terrible. At the half, it's 17-7, Ravens over the Bengals, because ...
The One Person Who Enjoys Berman's Nickname For Delhomme
There's at least one woman out there who couldn't care less about the Manning/Brady hype. She has eyes only for Jake Delhomme, and those eyes are very, very crazy....
NFL Week 9 Preview: Perhaps You've Heard Of Tom Brady And Peyton Manning
• Colts @ Patriots. All week long, the Brady/Manning hype machine has been working harder than the Vader-esque panel inserted in Al Davis's chest. For two reasons, though, I don't mind. First, it could be much worse... imagine if this game was on ESPN. And secondly, it is Manning vs. Brady, and it i...
Taking Down The Field Goal Posts: One Less One Loss Team
• (13) LSU 28, (8) Tennessee 24. Despite its disappointing lack of Cooter, the biggest game of the day was also probably the best. LSU beat Tennessee by a score of 28-24 behind a JaMarcus Russell touchdown pass to Early Doucet that I don't believe was intended for Early Doucet. If so, that'd make ...
Hugh Johnson Project, Update 4
Other than the Michigan close call against Ball State and Joe Paterno's osteoporosis, it hasn't been that eventful of a day in college football. The biggest game of the day, at least in terms of national rankings, is happening on CBS right now: Tennessee leads LSU 10-7 very early in the third quarte...
Hugh Johnson Project, Update 3
LSU just took a 7-0 lead over Tennessee in the only moderately interesting game of the day. Jamarcus Russell hit Craig Davis for a 23-yard touchdown pass in the second quarter. Joe Paterno and his bionic leg were not able to overcome Wisconsin, losing 13-3. Notre Dame is mauling North Carolina, wh...
Hugh Johnson Project, Update 2
Penn State head coach Joe Paterno was plowed into by one of his own players on the sidelines, and he suffered some kind of a leg injury. It's never a good thing to see an old man hurt, but the upside is that it's inspired some of you....
Hugh Johnson Project, Update 1
South Florida leads Tyler Palko and Pitt 14-3 at the half, behind the strength of two fake punts, and a quarterback named Grothe that might be the best college or professional quarterback in all of Southern Florida. Florida State is hammering Virginia, 17-0 in a battle of two of the many ACC teams t...
ESPNU May Have An Opening For This Guy
Before the Hugh Johnson madness gets underway in a bit, I thought we could go back to last week and revisit a couple of themes from last week: Temple's win over Bowling Green, and inappropriate things said by people in the media. Both are covered by this fellow (at about the 50-second mark, but if y...
Time For Manning-Brady ... Uh ... What Number Are We On Now?
You might have heard: The Colts play the Patriots this weekend, which means it's time for more Brady vs. Manning stories. We think everyone's issues with Peyton Manning are nicely summed up by Kissing Suzy Kolber:...