Football Page 1726 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Curse Of Queen City
A beleaguered Cincinnati sports fan, still reeling from Carson Palmer's knee implosion and an ugly first-round playoff exit, implores us to feel his pain by reeling off the succession of brutal injuries to befall the Queen City at the worst possible times. Witness:...
Say It Ain't So, Chad
So you know, Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson — forever known as Our Hero around here — did not get in a fight with his coach Marvin Lewis at halftime of Sunday's loss to the Steelers. Who said he did, you ask?...
New Mexico's Teenage Tough Love
Well, it's almost noon, and hey: Marcus "New Mexico" Vick hasn't gotten arrested yet today. Good for him!...
When The Packers Are Down, Everyone's Down
We're going to be in Green Bay for a wedding this Friday — that's right, it's a wedding ... in the afternoon ... on Friday the 13th ... in Green Bay ... in January — and we were looking at what to do the rest of the time in Green Bay. Guess what? Nada. Wait, there's a couple of Starbucks; they hav...
New Mexico's Busy Fortnight
Apparently, Marcus "New Mexico" Vick thinks he's a rock star ... or Phil Spector....
The Downside Of Faith And Football
When we first started this site, we were wondering the best places to find sources from within teams to dish some dirt. We figured beat reporters, sports information guys, groupies, so on. But one friend told us: "Team chaplains. Those guys know everything. Might be tough to get them to talk, thou...
Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goalposts Of Life
We don't know about you, but when we want the latest in online sports interviews, we brush right past ESPN.com and The Sporting News and head over to The 700 Club. Yep, Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network has a sports section, which includes inspirational tales from the NFL, Major Leagu...
Redskins Surprisingly Effective Car Salesmen
With the Redskins improbably advancing to the NFL's Final Eight, we're obviously going to be ratcheting up the Clinton Portis coverage even more than we already have, if that's not terrifying enough for you. As a little appetizer, though, we present you this gaggle of advertisements for Easterns A...
Joe Paterno's Slip Of Tongue (Ugh)
It's a nice time to know Penn State coach Joe Paterno ... unless you're a woman, says the National Organization of Women. The organization has taken issue with Paterno's comments about Florida State linebacker A.J. Nicholson, who was accused of rape in a Florida hotel room. Here's what JoePa said:...
The NFL Says Goodbye To Its Boner Pills
In a tragic day for that assuredly small crossover of "sports fans" and "people who take pills in order to get erections," the NFL has decided to discontinue its relationship with erectile dysfunction drugs, citing "growing concerns about increasingly risqu creative in the category." (We think tha...
Playoff Predictions Roundup: We Suck
As we giggle over this photo of Jeremy Shockey — honestly, all this picture needs is that sad "Peanuts" music playing in the background, like on that episode of "Arrested Development" — we thought we'd look at our panel of "experts" did in their wild-card weekend picks. Needless to say, when we sa...
NFL Playoff Roundup: Riiiiipppppp!
• Honestly, we know this was covered all weekend, but man, that Carson Palmer thing was the worst playoff moment we can remember. We think Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals have it tough; Bengals fans finally get in the playoffs, and two plays in, their Pro Bowl QB tears an ACL and MCL. (Quest...
Marcus Vick Experience Shut Down For Safety Reasons
I share the view held by the Wizard of Odds that former Virginia Tech QB Marcus Vick's lack of remorse, or even any kind of acknowledgement of wrongdoing, is a little troubling. "It's not a big deal," he says....
Playoff Pants Party: Steelers Vs. Bengals
For some reason, we're more excited about this playoff game than any of the others, though we know we're in the minority. We think it's because the NFL world is always happier and more in balance when you see teams like the Bengals — or the Texans, or the Lions, or (lo!) the Buzzsaw — make the playo...
Picking Up Where Chad Left Off
Since Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson has been so unfairly muffled all week, taking about 93 percent of the fun out of that Steelers-Bengals game, it has been up to fans to pick up his slack. One fan has come up with a great scenario....
Playoff Pants Party: Panthers Vs. Giants
We think Tom Coughlin freaks us out a little bit. In our nightmares, when we've done something vaguely wrong that we don't understand but know that it was terrible, Coughlin's the type of guy who shows up in our dreams, screaming at us, like the drill sergeant gym teacher in "Beavis & Butthead." ...
Playoff Pants Party: Jaguars Vs. Patriots
This is the late game tomorrow night, which means, if you plan your day correctly, you should be properly hammered enough by halftime to confuse that dude in the corner with some ex-girlfriend who did you wrong. (Or, for female and non-traditional male readers, uh ... OK, we're not sure what the ...
Coach Janky Spanky: Cliffs Notes Version
We know this has already been covered here, but, honestly, we're still so blown away by Clinton Portis' performance as "Coach Janky Spanky" yesterday that we feel obliged to point out the highlights for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of watching it yet. Here's a cheat sheet....
Playoff Pants Party: Redskins Vs. Buccaneers
The NFL playoffs start this weekend, and we can't wait. We'll be previewing all four games throughout the day today....
New Vikings Coach Sporting Rare Mustache/Baldness Combo
Today, the Minnesota Vikings will announce that Eagles offensive coordinator Brad Childress will be their new coach, or, if you can't resist making the same joke everybody else is making this morning, captain of their ship. Childress has been with the Eagles for seven years, and, having seen Requi...