Fun With Sparky, The Ice Girls ... And Satan!

We're not saying that the NHL is pulling out all stops to try to bring fans back, but ... well, we'll just let a reader explain what they found in their mailbox the other day.

We received a package in the mail today from The [New York] Islanders. Being life-long Rangers fans, my first inclination was to toss it. But curiosity got the better of me, so I opened it to find a "Family Fun" brochure. What got me were several things: • Ride on the Zamboni between periods for $250. Or drop the puck at center ice for $500, or stand behind the radio broadcasters for a period (insert your own comment here) for $250. • High-Five the team (HUH?) for $100. Does that include spit? The other things that really got me was "Bring Sparky and the Ice Girls to Your Event." Seems you can "make a bang" (I'm not joking, this is in the copy!) at your next "family party" by inviting the Islanders cheerleaders — well, either "Sparky" or one "Ice Girl" starting at $150 for two hours. So, what do they do for two hours? Hmmm.

Honestly, we are getting out our checkbooks right now and writing a check for $100. We have always dreamed of high-fiving Petteri Nokelainen, Oleg Kvasha, Janne Niinimaa and Mattias Weinhandl. Question, though: Do we have to be wearing skates when we high-five them? Because we'd probably fall down.

New York Islanders [Official Site]