He Turns Water Into Wine, But He Still Can't Throw A 15-Yard Out

Your morning roundup for Aug. 16, the day the view from a diving board made us piss our speedos. Photo via Last Angry Fan. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors.

What we watched: Because he has hit 600 home runs, and because he did it without being linked in any way to steroids, Jim Thome has given sports media a hero to venerate again. Thome's achievement is certainly deserving of praise, no matter the era. But there seems to be a tone of relief to some of the descriptions of his having done it now, after the Bonds-Sosa-A-Rod circus.

Doug Glanville called Thome "an ideal baseball" player on SportsCenter this morning because Thome had not been linked to any of the PED discussions. Thome, too, has benefited from being an aw-shucks swell guy from Peoria, an image that has long made him a go-to exception for writers looking for a clubhouse quote on deadline. Many of them, then, are quite happy to see him succeed, and even happier to point out he did it by drinking his milk and eating his spinach.

Rick Rypien found dead: "Winnipeg Jets forward Rick Rypien, a pugnacious winger who was a fan favourite at Rogers Arena during his six-year stint with the Vancouver Canucks' organization, was found dead on Monday in southern Alberta. He was 27. RCMP Sgt. Patrick Webb said the detachment received a phone call at 12:30 p.m. to go to a residence in Coleman. He did not release who made the phone call or where the body was found in the home, but said RCMP determined it to be a "non-suspicious sudden death." [ Vancouver Sun]

The anonymous sources and the loaves: Writes tipster Dylan: "Screengrab from espn story below. I know poopooing on typos is bad form, but when the typo has chris mortenson as Christ... Morten of Nazareth, Indiscriminate NFL Rumor Intimater."

Looks like we'll have to hear about this for a while, then: "He said there is no timetable for any decision and any realignment by Texas A&M will take place after a "lengthy" process. He acknowledged that Texas A&M had approached the SEC, which has won the last five BCS championships in football but on Sunday reaffirmed its 12-school membership while leaving the door open to expansion." [ ESPN]

This guy liveblogged Jon Gruden's "This guy"s: A sampling, courtesy the lads at PineRiders:

8:45 EST: "THIS GUY Gary Kubiak . . ." On Texans head coach Gary Kubiak 8:48 EST: "THIS GUY is the rave of the Jets camp." 9:00 EST: "THESE GUYS are so big and so strong." On the Jets defense, after a torrent of this and these big guys.

Your 1982 Donkey Kong Interlude:

We are all Dave McKenna CXCIII: Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "The Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel lawsuit gets trapped inside the home of some animal hoarder.

Merch: Managing editor Tom Scocca and contributing editor Drew Magary have both written books. You can buy Scocca's Beijing Welcomes You: Unveiling the Capital City of the Future here, and Magary's The Postmortal here. Now do it.