If You Don't Cook Brats, The Terrorists Win

As mentioned, we're heading to Glendale for the Super Bowl this year — yes, yes, book promotion — and we were looking forward to walking around some of the tailgates beforehand on Super Sunday. But we'd forgotten: They don't allow tailgates at the Super Bowl. A travesty, and now some people are trying to do something about it.

Yes, it's that long lost art: The Internet Petition. Fans are trying to get the NFL to allow tailgating at the Super Bowl this year. We wouldn't hold your breath, were we you.

We, the undersigned, believe this policy to be hypocritical in light of the fact that tailgating is allowed, and highly encouraged, during the entire NFL season leading up to the Super Bowl. Does the NFL expect us to believe that tailgating at the Super Bowl poses a much greater public security risk than the weeks prior? Are we to believe that the threat of terrorism is so great that we are willing to abolish something as uniquely American as tailgating? Tailgating at the Super Bowl should be reinstated to demonstrate to potential terrorists that we will not give into our fear and will not compromise our American way of life.

The last line is our favorite. We imagine a member of Al Qaeda, preparing a full scale attack, seeing shirtless drunk people fighting in a parking lot and thinking to himself, "You know what, guys? I think we're making a mistake. This country, this 'U.S.A.' ... it's all right. It really is. Let's call this off."

Allow Tailgating At The Super Bowl Petition [Petition Online]