Locker Page 463 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Good News—Your Job Is Closed On Christmas
I just walked by a grocery store with a sign in the window saying they would be open until 6:30 p.m. on Christmas. Funny joke! If you’re an employee there, you should know that’s wrong—everything is closed on Christmas. ...
The Year In Ted Cruz Humiliations
There’s never exactly a good time to be Ted Cruz. His mannerisms are stilted, his friends are nonexistent, and he has far more skin than any one human should ever possess. There are, however, less-bad times to be Ted. And 2016 was not one of those years....
Here's How You Drain The Swamp
After promising to “drain the swamp,” Donald Trump has assembled a leadership team of billionaires, bankers, hedge fund guys, and the power-mad detritus of the Republican party. Sad! We could still drain that swamp with a couple of easy rules. ...
Hmmm, Yes, I Am Extremely Into This Game In Which 11,000 Penguins War With 4,000 Santas
Here we have a legitimately captivating video in which the makers of Epic Battle Simulator (video games are good) demonstrate what their game is capable of. This video is eight minutes long, and I watched the whole damn thing:...
DeMarcus Cousins Got Ejected, Then Un-Ejected
It was a busy Tuesday for DeMarcus Cousins. Fresh off a $50,000 fine for berating a Sacramento Bee columnist (for which he offered a notably lacking apology), Cousins went out, had a monster game, got ejected, got un-ejected, scored 55 points, led the Kings to a big win over the Blazers, and then ga...
Malcolm Brogdon Is Feeling Himself And Dunking On Everyone
Malcolm Brogdon may be a rookie, but that’s not stopping him from showing off against the Cavaliers tonight. He warmed up with a nifty little dunk over Kyrie Irving:...
DeMarcus Cousins Apologizes To Everyone Except The <i>Sacramento Bee</i>
A week after DeMarcus Cousins chewed out a Sacramento Bee columnist for writing about his brother—and three days after the Bee released video of the incident—the Kings center has reportedly been fined $50,000 by the NBA. He also released an apology heavy on public relations-speak: ...
Deadspin Up All Night: I Could Make It All Go Away
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Eat a good meal....
The NBA's New "Kevin Durant Rule" Will Incentivize Young Superstars To Stay Put
We knew the new CBA made life a little sweeter for the NBA’s superstars, but it’s a dense thing to parse, and explanations have been dribbling out slowly. ESPN’s new Q&A with salary cap expert Larry Coon argues that the most noteworthy development is the owners’ new weapon to keep their superstar pl...
I Bought A Fake Christmas Tree Because I’m Not A Deluded Simpleton
Before we get into the Funbag, some basic housecleaning: There will NOT be a Funbag next week. Go watch a movie, or take a road trip, or eat the entire caramel section of one of those big popcorn tins instead. I’ll be back in the New Year. Also, if Santa doesn’t get you The Hike for Christmas, tell ...
Celebrate Nikola Jokić, The Big Boy Who Can Pass
We should revise our initial appraisal of Nikola Jokić: Denver’s second-year center can pass the ball, and deserves that reputation. Coach Mike Malone attributes the 21-year-old’s buttery playmaking to his past as a “fat point guard,” and though that chub has since been stretched thin over a 6-foot...
The Regulatory Capture Of The Press
There is a phenomenon called “regulatory capture” that describes how government regulators come to be controlled by those that they are meant to regulate. The same idea applies to the press. And it’s easy to see in action. ...
Stan Van Gundy Has Had It
The Pistons got walloped 113-82 last night by the not-very-good Bulls, and it was ugly from start to finish—Detroit was being doubled at halftime. Head coach Stan Van Gundy did not hide his feelings on the matter:...
Thank God, <i>Rogue One</i> Made Darth Vader A Proper Villain Again
Rogue One: A Star Wars Movie is a very good blockbuster—does it provide an apt commentary on the modern state of warfare or secure every loose end George Lucas left untethered in his two runs at the helm? No. The plot is fine, I cared about the characters I was supposed to care about, the robot is G...
Attila The Hun Did Far More Than Just Leave Charred Bones In His Wake
Nearly 16 centuries after he lived and died, the name of Attila the Hun still carries overtones of wanton destruction and senseless slaughter. The Huns, unlike the Franks or the Anglo-Saxons or the Goths, have no modern politicians claiming them as glorious ancestors for a shot of cheap nationalism;...
Russell Westbrook Almost Beat The Hawks One-On-Five
We’re far enough into the NBA season now to make some declarative statements about most teams’ identities and playoff hopes. You probably don’t need me to tell you this, but the Thunder can only go as far as Russell Westbrook can drag them....
You Can't Style On That Shot, Man
We’re fans of NBA players making the most of their skills. You gotta at least get the ball somewhat close to going in the basket, though. Better luck next time, John....
It Ain't Safe Out There
Have something you think we should know? Email us at [email protected], call our confidential tips hotline at (347) 746-8471, or contact our writers directly, or use our SecureDrop system. You can also follow us on Twitter, like us on Facebook, and sign up for our newsletter!...
Jordan Reed Ejected After Punching Helmeted Opponent
Jordan Reed was already injured and useless, but the Washington tight end made himself even useless-er by getting ejected at the end of the third quarter tonight against Carolina with that smartest of smart football plays: punching an opponent in the football helmet....
Cam Newton Takes Hit To The Head, Somehow Ends Up Being The One Penalized
Defenses have been abusing Cam Newton all season, and NFL officiating teams have continued to keep the flags in their pockets. So when the flag came out after Trent Murphy’s blow to the Carolina QB’s skull after a third-down rush tonight against Washington, it was a short-lived sigh of relief for Pa...