Locker Page 561 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Be A Decent Child Today (And Every Day)
Every year’s calendar is predictably laced with holidays, but there is one that has a way of sneaking up on you and then pouncing, like a panther made of guilt: the second Sunday of every May, i.e. Mother’s Day. Despite its repeating pattern, I find myself forgetting it on an annual basis, the way I...
![Bartolo Colón Jacks First Career Dong [UPDATE: Now In Spanish]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/cpk53wvigxf9okb8mfr4.gif)
Bartolo Colón Jacks First Career Dong [UPDATE: Now In Spanish]
Over the years, we have been consistently impressed with Mets pitcher Bartolo Colón’s athletic feats. But nothing he has achieved meets tonight’s highlight, in which the Dominican hurler hits his first career home run after twenty seasons in the majors:...
The Woodford Reserve Turf Classic Was Cursed
Kasaqui and Triple Threat got tangled up on the final turn of today’s Kentucky Derby national broadcast undercard race, with the former taking an ugly spill and both horses losing their jockeys. The horses and jockeys were all fine, somehow, NBC reported. But one horse, Grand Tito, was scratched bef...
Lap It Up, Goofball
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Giancarlo Stanton Murdered A Baseball
The only thing more shocking than how far Giancarlo Stanton hit this baseball is that it somehow didn’t explode immediately upon contact with the bat. The MLB Statcast-measured numbers: 475 feet, 112.8 mph exit velocity, and 5.5 seconds of hangtime:...
The Memphis Grizzlies Have Fired Coach Dave Joerger, The Lucky S.O.B.
Having served Dave Joerger a cold supper of radioactive gunge and watched him lick the bowl clean, the front office of the Memphis Grizzlies announced his firing today. First as an assistant, Joerger had been with the organization for the past nine seasons, a.k.a. the bulk of the Grizzlies’ relevanc...
Aston Villa Supporters Protest Relegation By Interrupting Match With Inflatables
Aston Villa supporters interrupted today’s match against Newcastle with a flood of beach balls, sex dolls, and other inflatables as the last-place team prepares for relegation from the Premiership....
David Ortiz Held Back From Ump After Striking Out With Bases Loaded
Red Sox coaches had to restrain David Ortiz after his outburst following a ninth-inning strikeout with the bases loaded in a game the Yankees went on to win, 3-2....
Crunch
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Here's What Happened When We Used Snapchat's Face Swap Filter On An Episode Of <i>PTI</i>
Because we are sick in the head, we were curious what would happen if we took today’s episode of Pardon the Interruption and ran it through Snapchat’s face swap filter. The results are, as you might expect, horrifying....
Deadspin Up All Night: Trying To Make Time
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. And of Rob Harvilla. ...
The Phoenix Suns Hope You Don't Look Too Closely At This Bad Photoshop
Two-part question: Do you live in the Phoenix area and have you ever wanted to ride around the city with point guard Eric Bledsoe? If you answered “yes” to both questions, oh man, here’s what you’re doing tomorrow morning....
Be Like This Bear
We all got shit going on, you know? Too much shit, if you ask me. I was on vacation last week, and I’ve spent most of this week sighing and thinking, “Whaaaaat is it with all this shit I got going on???”...
What Is The Most Pretentious Musical Instrument?
If you’ve ever heard Jack White go through his marimba phase, or seen a dude waltz onto a subway car holding a djembe drum, you know there are some pretty goddamn pretentious instruments out there. But which one is the worst offender, and why is it always the bagpipes? That’s the subject of this wee...
<i>Captain America: Civil War </i>Is Too Much And Just Enough
Yo dawg, Captain America: Civil War heard that you like superhero movies, so it installed several pleasantly extraneous superhero movies in your superhero movie so you could watch more superhero movies during your superhero movie. It is the Pizza Box, the Double Down, the Quesarito of the form. Pre...
Get Fucked, John Kasich
What even was John Kasich’s sweaty, affronted, whatever-happened-to-the-responsible-grownups-in-this-party act if not an even more insulting and ahistorical version of “Make America Great Again”? When was the last time the Republican Party had responsible grownups? When it sold a needless, catastrop...
Look Like Yeezy On A Budget
Even if you watched Kanye West’s livestream release of The Life of Pablo just to hear the music, you were confronted with the throng of models sulking in drapey earth tones, like they were rummaging for scrap in a post-apocalyptic desert and just stumbled into Madison Square Garden. That’s the gener...
Goran Dragic Just Can't Stop Getting His Face Busted
Heat point guard Goran Dragic took an elbow to the face during last night’s game against the Raptors (and got called for the foul, adding insult to injury), and had to receive eight stitches on his bottom lip before he could return to the game. This is the third time this season that Dragic has gott...
Mike Fisher Goal Gives Predators Triple-OT Win Over Sharks
Nashville’s Mike Fisher scored off the rebound at 11:12 of the third overtime period to give the Predators a 4-3 win and even the series against San Jose at two games apiece. It was Fisher’s second goal of the game—though it came more than 100 minutes after his first....
Jonas Valanciunas Is Right At Home In This Ugly Heat-Raptors Series
While the Cleveland Cavaliers are blowing out the Atlanta Hawks in wildly entertaining fashion, the other side of the Eastern Conference bracket is mired in a fighting contest of a series where both teams have combined for a whopping 62 turnovers in just two games. Kyle Lowry’s moonshot has been the...