More Cartoon Hilarity From Bill Simmons

Sometimes we wonder if our boy Bill writes the scripts for these things on a cocktail napkin while watching mid-'70s Celtics highlights on a treadmill. Here's this week's cartoon fun:

Title: "The Big Unit" Premise: Bill and inevitable buddies (fat Patriots fan, frat boy Simmons clone, except with backwards hat, some new Aryan-looking guy) are at a backyard barbeque, drinking from a key. A tall, beautiful woman — nicknamed "The Big Unit," after Randy Johnson (we hope) — walks in. The boys talk about her with awe, saying that she's "unhittable." The new Aryan guy goes to try to pick her up, but he runs off scared, though she doesn't appear to be doing anything but talking. Eventually, she says hello to the fat Red Sox/Patriots guy, who ends up turning into a literal puddle of goo. fin Punchline: Uh ... woman are scary? Particularly hot ones? In a pinch, key beer can be used as oxygen? Moral: Women are the rake, man ... women are the rake. Takeaway: When you're married like Bill, it's fun to watch your buddies fail to pick up girls. Because Bill's still cool: He still goes to keg parties, man. In Los Angeles. Where they have nothing but keg parties.

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