Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

NFL Dream Job: The Miami Dolphins Are Hiring An Experienced Cotton Candy Maker

Last month, the MLB announced it was accepting applications for what was billed as a "dream job," or, watching somewhere in the range of 2,400 baseball games and writing about it. It sounded... fun. But the NFL may trump it with this opening, for an "experienced" cotton candy maker at the Dolphins' Sun Life Stadium in Miami. This should be a strenuous application process. Pulled directly from the listing:

Responsibilities include:

• Ensure proper recipe mixture
• Spin cotton candy to perfection
• Operate cotton candy machine
• Cleaning cotton candy machine


• Proven experience in spinning and preparing cotton candy
• Good hand/eye coordination


I wonder which career path — incessant typing, or nonstop swirling? — is more prone to carpal tunnel syndrome. Or better yet, what would be more painful to have to watch: every second of the Dolphins' season, or every out of the Pirates' season?

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