Sports News Without Access, Favor, Or Discretion

Time once again for Minor Enterprise, a celebration of God's gift of Minor League baseball promotions, mascots and fans. Also, The View's Joy Behar dishes celebrity gossip.

We do not train to be merciful here. Mercy is for the weak. A man confronts you, he is the enemy. An enemy deserves no mercy. What do we study here? THE WAY OF THE FIST, SIR. And what is that way? STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY, SIR. And when the Fresno Grizzlies stage a promotion, they also take no prisoners. Thursday, May 15 is Totally Rad '80s Night at Chukchansi Park, where the honored guest will be Cobra Kai karate dojo bad boy Johnny Lawrence. Yes, Daniel-san's nemesis, in person. Not for the meek!


In case you question his credentials, Mr. Lawrence was voted No. 1 in Star Pulse magazine's list of Top Movie Dicks of All Time in 2006. Not only did he sweep Daniel Russo's leg in a pivotal scene in the 1984 film The Karate Kid, but let us not forget that he was also responsible for smashing Daniel's boom box at the beach, and trashing his bike. We will never forget his sneer and his solar panel hairstyle (see video below).

His real name is Billy Zabka, and he appeared in several films subsequent to The Karate Kid; among them the 1992 classic Shootfighter: Fight To The Death. Now 42, he's still active in films and is a creative director for a music publishing firm.

"When we decided to have an '80s night, and learned that Billy Zabka lived lived in Grass Valley (near Sacramento), it was a natural to try and get him," said Grizzlies' Vice President of Marketing Scott Carter. "He was glad to do it. We asked him if we could recreate a Karate Kid fight scene and have our mascot, Parker, kick him in the face. He said sure." Totally Rad '80s Night will also feature a tribute to Garbage Pail Kids, '80s music, and other things yet to be dreamed up. Grab your body bag and come on down. Yeah!


Other promotions you're not going to want to miss:

Tree Sapling Giveaway. Friday, South Bend Silver Hawks (Class-A Midwest League). Who can resist a promotion in which the first 3,000 fans receive trees? Kind of like a do-it-yourself bat day. (Note: No, ESPN employees may not keep the trees).


Who Wants To Be A Mexican Millionaire? Monday, May 5, Huntsville Stars (Class-AA Southern League).
Celebrate Cinco de Mayo the good, old-fashioned politically incorrect way, as the Stars will hand out "green cards" and take whacks at a "human pinata." Plus, for two bucks, Gen. Santa Ana will let you drink a beer from his artificial leg. [Thanks to Benjamin Hill]


Chris Snee Day. May 18, Binghamton Mets (Class-AA Eastern League). The Mets honor the New York Giants offensive guard and Montrose, Pa., native, who will sign autographs before the game with the Erie Seawolves. Please form an orderly line. Mr. Snee will not sign body parts.

Bobblehead of the Moment. Ross Grimsley Bobblehead Giveaway. Saturday, Augusta GreenJackets (Class-A South Atlantic League). The GreenJackets salute the 1970s with $1 Pabst Blue Ribbon in 16oz. cans, disco dancing, twister, afros and Ross Grimsley, the former Reds, Orioles and Expos pitcher who is their current pitching coach. The doll should be a very interesting and sought-after item.


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