Roger Clemens And The Astros Are Entangled In A Slow, Depressing Dance

We've posted on and on about how Sugar Land Skeeters ace Roger Clemens may be conspiring with the 44-97 Houston Astros to tweak his Hall of Fame chances. Today the Associated Press has given us a bombshell story—bombshell as in, the charred debris that remains after a horrendous event—about the Astros' and Clemens' languid, sickening flirtation:

Crane said Monday there's a possibility Clemens could pitch this season for the majors' worst team.

"We haven't heard from Roger, so that's still up in the air," he said. [...] Crane said he would not pitch the seven-time Cy Young Award winner against a contender, which leaves this week as the only option.

But Clemens said Monday night the only way he would pitch this season was against a team in contention.

"I can tell you right now and they would know, too, that if I was going to go do it, I am going to pitch against a contender, that's who I want to knock out," Clemens told Houston television station KRIV. "Why would I want to waste my time running around and getting in shape. I get over to Minute Maid (Park), I'll crank it up and get it over 90 for a contender. We'll knock them right out of the playoffs. That would be the fun. Pitching against somebody that's not in contention wouldn't be any fun for me."

So, if you're playing along at home, the Astros— who have about 1,000 households watching their games on TV—are playing will they/won't they with a bloated, 50-year-old 'roid rage case. Roger Clemens loves coffee but hates Starbucks. Jim Crane loves Starbucks but only for the baked goods. Will they ever find true love?

Making matters worse: this is the most exciting thing to happen to this major-league sports franchise in months. Who ever said the baseball season was boring?

Astros: Roger Clemens still in '12 mix [AP, via ESPN]