Apparently Roman Abramovich doesn't like being first runner-up. After completing the silver sweep last season—finishing second in the Premier League, the Carling Cup, and the Champions League—the Russian billionaire owner of Chelsea FC responded by purchasing half of the Portuguese-speaking world. First he poached the former World Cup winning manager for Brazil, Luis Felipe Scolari, from his follow-up gig, then he made two of the EPL's (suck it, Barclays) splashiest summer signings by bringing in Deco from Barcelona and Jose Bosingwa from Porto. But if there's anything Abramovich can't stand, it's being outspent. Even if it's by himself.The Monopoly-money waving oil oligarch appears to be continuing his raid on the Iberian peninsula as Chelsea are on the verge of completing a £29M (~$58M) deal with Real Madrid for Brazilian Robinho. Now, just to prove that the only person capable of one-upping Abramovich is Abramovich there is also an £80M bid in to nab A.C. Milan's ace Kaka (also Brazilian) before the transfer window closes up for the summer. The latter was denied about 5 minutes after in appeared in print. But denials are only as good as the 1's and 0's they are encoded in. If Abramovich is trying to buy all of Brazil, he should just do the whole thing at once. He might get a bulk discount. But as he makes himself the EPL's blancmange—only instead of winning Wimbledon he means to win every fucking trophy available—the rest of us are reduced to waiting for Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Brainsample to come eat him. Anyway, if any of you are Russian billionaires and want to help level the playing field, there are 19 other EPL teams that might take your call. Oh wait, 18, Liverpool have already decided they don't want competent rich people running their show. Chelsea to sign Real Madrid's Robinho in next 48 hours []